He told me that there JUST HAD to be a reason for what he did. I agreed and said that the first contact was when we were under a lot of stress and I wasn't feeling well. He told he felt pushed away and we were arguing too much and he missed the spark.
But during the subsequent reconcilliation, when he promised it was over and that he knew what was important in his life - it had been a big wakeup call he told me (and sent texts to me LOL) saying I was the perfect wife; mother; friend; lover and women. Meanwhile he spent 14 hours on the phone with her; met her in secret and sent 180 text msgs in 4 weeks.
How can this be?
I found out and he begged me (again) to give him another chance, that he would do anything;
I am still in our house for now as he is away a lot and it is at least manageable if not easy - this lets me focus on the children more before I decide the best way to proceed.
But last night he said something that I just don,t get. He now thinks that there MUST have been a reason also, for all the continued lying and cheating when we had decided to make it work again.
He's sure that this is that he was still hurt from the difficult period we were having and the sores were still open. This difficult period ended after he had slept with her, but before the affair got even more out of control. At the same time he told me constantly that I was amazing; he missed me when he was away that things were great.
NOPkins I value your advice - It seems to me that there is an element of addiction in this. Before this he did the same kind of thing with internet porn - I found out about it and he said he was stopping it anyway, this is about the time he started his A; When I found out about that he said it would have been over anyway - he said that again after the reconcilliation.
This is the thing I can't reconcile within myself: Part of me (very small part - closest to my heart), thinks - maybe this was really the kick in the side of the head he needed to stop always thinking that the grass is always greener. The large and intelligent part says: This is him, it will happen again.
Nopkins; You mentioned the documented facts. Are their statistics of how likely a spouse is to do this again?
I know I sound like I am on the fence; but I just need to understand the whole damn mess before I can move on - does anyone else feel like this? Can anyone help me understand this more; or is it time to just admit it isn't fathomable or reasonable and just move on?
