I am not crazy, I cut myself in college shortly after mom died and one time shortly after dad died. Much of what Bob has told you is out of context regarding my childhood - My father only was distant, controlling and critical, in his attempt to make me as strong as my mother who grew up in a truly abusive household. He and I resolved those issues when I was in grad school. My brothers and I have also resolved the issues that we had as kids with the teasing. What Bob does not tell you is his father is very controlling to this day and will not relinquish control of the family company, hamstringing Bob in his efforts to get the business to survive. His mom enables his dad's self centered behavior, and has her 2 grown children dependent upon her -so much stress that she had an ischemic stroke before Easter. Bob works with his mom,dad,sis, bro in law. Bad karma in that office. My self esteem problems are a work in progress, my religious issues started long before my father's death, Bob has never been a religious person, long bagging on the Catholic Church in front of my family and myself; telling me that I should not force oldest child to go to Church if he hates it - which he did. I believe I did everything I could to accomodate Bob's moods throughout our life together and that he became accustomed to me doing, "it all." Especially when I was part time after John and he stated that I needed to go back full time for us to afford the life he wanted us to have. Same with 2nd son. Yes I had post partum deprssion after 1st son, not after 2nd, yes I had and maybe still have many resentments regarding Bob and all that happened during the strike at his company - basically being a single mom for those 6 months or so - but he did not come back to being there for me after that, not until all this happened, and even then resentfully so. Not until I expressed that I no longer felt he was my friend, nor a loving husband. I felt like an employee. I realize that all y'all will root fot RGM because you don't know me from Adam, but I am not crazy, I may be having a little midlife crisis, I may be in pre-menopause - I am seeing my gyn about several things going on with my body. I have communicated things/feelings/my junk to him -I have not felt that it ever was understood or completely heard, as he would pick apart my comments/feelings/arguements about nearly everything and wouldquote the wall street journal as to why I should not be interested in topics - ie natural health issues, organic food and gardening. The list goes on and on of the things that he felt were inappropriate interests and priorities for me. The bill thing, being late - he was late after he took the bills back over. Me being late, partly related to him making me late. Partly related to having 2 small kids - if you have kids, you know what happens when you give them the 30 min warning/15 min warning, 5 min warning, actually trying to get them into the car at the scheduled time. I have not had an affair or whatever all those abbreviations are. I felt a need to justify myself to people I do not even know, though I know it will probably be written off as the rantings of someone in a midlife crisis. Just because my growth has upset his apple cart does not mean that my growth is wrong. He is just as moody as I am, and is on anti depressants due to insomnia for the last 10-15 years. Plus his intolerable work situation. I admire him for tolerating what no-one should put up with - near constant problems, being undermined by more than one family member on a daily basis, watching employees you trusted spit on the company thqat has provided for them for more than 5-10-20 years. He is the one who is depressed. I am only depressed when I am with him, when he pulls the boss stuff on all of us at home, when he picks apart my son's soccer performance and tells him that he didn't work hard enough and that he had better start playing more or he would pull son from the team. Our relationship is unhealthy, and I still believe that if we both work at it, the kids will come through eventually. Everyone's screwed up in some fashionor another, no family is immune from dysfunction. I have tried with all my effort, but as it has not returned me to the role and position I was in before, the doting self sacrificing mom and nympho-pornqueen wife that he wanted - it seems a moot point.
