so what will actually ease my occasional feelings that ow is still around in some fashion other than just as a customer???
days like I have reported previously occuring did occur a year ago too.
one lovely afternoon, while ariving home from shopping with two babies I get a call from h that he will be later than usual, he had to take someone to the hospital, oh is everyone alright says I, no no not an emergency someone just needed a ride to an appointment says h, oh who says I a bit preturbed that someone needs him to stop his day to drive them to a pre-shcesuled apt, while I am left to fend for myself with OUR two children for appointments etc. blank says h (i knew ow's name from her previous years of inviting the crew to her x-mas parties and hearing a message inviting them to stop by and swim in her pool when it's hot, message to you fella's don't hire landscapers or outside contractors unless you or a neighbor have an eye on your w (ow is and was m)) this does not thrill me. the only reason h is telling me is because he was seen in the elevator by a close friend of my family who is also one of my best friends older sister. h spends the weekend trying to tell me she is just aquantance? (ya right like I'd ask an aquantance to take me to a cancer treatment) then a friend? then from there the beans are spilt that they are friends and he's taken her to lunch etc was a support to her because for some reason her h was not (did I bother to tell you my h was not much of a support to me during preg #2 or after the birth of #2?) so then h stays at parents for a week or so, we discuss d etc...ow actually calls me to appologize for asking him to drive her...that they are just friends etc... I let h know I do not aprove of this friendship and it must end... h supposedly ends this friendship and we are working on us. h is more affectionate, we talk more, we actually start a weekly date night. then come april he leaves. when he returns I learn that he had never stopped seeing her. was stopping by her house 3x a week both before and after I knew of friendship that he was talking to her everyday both before and after I knew of friendship sooo... how am I to know that ow is really gone??? I never did get to hear the supposed phone calls telling her the "friendship" is to cease? I know that she knows he has come home and if she has seen him (for business) must know he has his ring back on, but that doesn't matter to her he had it on the whole time he was gone til I finally took it anyway.
so what has set me off???
the looming thought is always there.
takes little...
it is winter and h still goes off to "work" left earlier than usual today, and called once in the afternoon said he would be home between x-y, did not call again til just before y saying he was on his way bla bla bla...
I will not say anything to h about this insecurity as it seems to be being met with ? I don't know how to describe his reaction, but it seems pointless to say anything just go about my business.
tonight I have my appointment to have a tour of the gym to see if I like it so at least I have somewhere to go tonight.
perhaps the only way I will ever believe is if I have h followed to know what he is doing, but then will I feel safe or ashamed??
things I want and need to believe h is not still on the fence.
h to drop appartment! h to drop ow as customer! ( I don't want the convenient excuse of business discussion keeping the tyes) h to pledge his undying love for me (ok so I'm feeling a little silly after venting this out) h to start saying ily (ok jethro you can kick me for this one now) h to show some more empathy and guilt for what has happend.
