I figured she was finally out the door, so I looked at her phone and found a text msg to a man she works with:
"I still smell you on my clothes. miss u"
I was livid, more angry than I have ever been in my life. Just pacing the floor, threw a few things, images all over my mind. She sent this while at the airport waiting to fly to visit. She arrived, took a bath and then I'd had sex with her. She had been telling me non-stop since then that she wanted a divorce so she could date other men.
She wasn't home and was supposed to leave in a couple hours to fly back to where she lives. I didn't know if I should confront her before she left or wait until I had some time to think about it. I had suspected her and this guy since Dec when she suddenly stopped mentioning his name and at the same time didn't want to touch me and dropped the bomb.
When she returned home I avoided her completely, didn't look at her or talk to her, she had decided to stay another day, I still didn't know what to do, I wanted to call someone, I wanted to call the guy she had sent the msg to, I wanted to call her new best friend that knows him, I didn't know who to call. I took out a pad of paper and listed everything we owned and put her name or my name by it, I was done, she wanted a divorce and now I was going to give it to her.
I tried to keep away from her, eventually tried to go to sleep about 9pm, laid there for an hour, then she came in and wanted to know if I was sleeping in the masterbed where she wanted to sleep. I asked her to come over, took her onto my lap and put my hand on her head/hair gently, then while looking into her eyes tried to kiss her, I was met with tightly pursed lips that wanted nothing to do with mine. She wanted to know what was wrong. I asked her why she'd been lying to me about everything, why she been lying to me about not wanting to be with anyone, lying about not wanting to sleep with anyone, lying about not wanting sex. She had a puzzled look on her face and told me calmly that she hadn't been lying. I went over to her cell phone on the floor, she followed me over and asked her to explain this while I looked up the message she'd sent. She said it was from a song, she could show me if I wanted. She actually didn't seem upset or paniced, asked why I had been looking at her phone. I told her it had been beeping and I went to see why and decided to look at the messages.
I was now puzzled, she didn't seem guilt or upset that I had snooped at her phone, or that I'd accused her of lying to me, in fact we talked for about 2 hrs while I held her in bed, about all kind of things in 17 yrs of marriage. She cried on the pillow, didn't want to cry on my shoulder, I told her a lot about what I was going thru, what I've been going thru, no DBin', just open honesty and feelings. She still was insistent on getting divorced so she could date other men, she had to "see what was out there." This too was puzzling, I pushed and questioned her many times lately about the "need" for a divorce to be free, she lives 500 miles away in her own apartment and lives her own life, she could be screwing the whole town and I'd never know about it, but she seemed to be needing a divorce in order to date and pursue other men, that didn't match with her screwing some guy at work already, unless maybe she wanted to solidify that relationship and needed me to be "out of the way" to do it. Or maybe she has an EA with him and wants to pursue it physically and still has enough integraty to not do it until divorced. Dunno.
I'm still not sure what to believe, it is hard to keep all the images of her and him out of my mind, but it is subsiding. I did finally look up the phrase and found it in a song.
My main thread has the story of what positive things have happened since this, so far neither of us has brought this stuff up again yet.
