Hey, sounds like a good ski trip, with the exception at the end of course.
Well, I have to say that it is really hard. Think about your separation for a moment, what were the things you thought about that you would like to change? Are these permanent changes you made to yourself? If I remeber correctly, one of them was keeping your mouth shut, right? I think you did very well for that regards when you were on the slope as you kept your unhappiness under your throat.
One thing struck me funny is that your H did not think of why you were angry until almost the end of the trip. You've got to give him credit for thinking that hard during that time. This is someone that is trying to please you, albeit a bit slow to your standard (hack, I probably would still be puzzled if my mate was treating me like that. Call me slow if you will). Otherwise, he could have just left you alone, being agitated by your persistent inquiry of his PA with OW, not he has too many rights to be angry, though...
As for the, eh, libido issue, I would say it is indeed a common problem. As dotto has mentioned it, it is good that you recognize that, even though right now there is not much that you can fix until your H realizes that.
IMHO, I think the bigger issue is really a communication. To be fair, you could not expect your H to figure out what went wrong as you became unhappy of the day-care place your H is working on. You did a good job keeping your mouth shut, but your mood was soured and you made sure that showed. I think you know that this is not the best way to interact.
Same thing with the bills you are folding for him. Now I realize that how much love were putting to those invoices I got from contractors. But protesting OW's invoice was perhaps not necessary; he could have been there personally to collect the fee if that is what he wanted to see OW. Even though I can understand that you were hurt seeing that invoice, it would just aggrevate your H as he would feel that his actions were not appreciated. It is good, though, that he tore up the invoice: He got to vent his unhappiness while showing his restraint. He could have driven away to see her or gone back to his apartment being annoyed.
Same thing with libido.
All I wanted to say, LL, is that there has to be a better way for you to express frustration with each other, especially from you like sex and hints of OW, because I see a bad communication pattern still remains, no matter how hard you try to keep your mouth shut or how hard your H tried to please you and stay home. On the other hand, I also recognize that there was not much you can do as you cannot force your H to work on the issues you think important, in a way you think that is constructive, like in C. But you really have to work on it, perhaps starting from yourself, as I am just concerned that this would lead to a destructive path unless you two know you just need a fight for a little bit once upon the time.
I thought of a book by Susan Page "How one of you can bring the two of you together". Its philosophy is pretty similar to DB, but from a quite different perspective in terms of improving interactions from one of you. I think there are a lot of good points that may be applicable to you.
So, LL, I apologize for the long, rambling and attacking post. What was I thinking when I recommended a relationship book to a well-read, big hearted person like LL? But just something I feel very important as you have recognized some of your problems, but it appears that there are frustrations what you can do about them. I definitely share that frustration and wish you luck. If you are truly displeased or offended, just whack to me with a 2x4 on my thread or next time you see me...
Chuck
BTW, I saw Sex-Starved Marriage was available already on the shelf of B&N last night...
