well the trip went ok. started out very good. h came home from plowing and took a shower while I finished our packing, then we were off on our way. the drive was nice and h was talkative, the next day was very good til lunch time when we were finishing up lunch h called one of his guys to check how they were doing with the storm. all was well and h was letting employee know what drive ways to sand and mentioned just make sure to get to the day care. (ow does day care in her home so that is what I assumed he was talking about) didn't settle with me but I just left it alone and said nothing but did get up to go to the bathroom. when we went back out to ski some more h asked what was the problem. I said....this is why it is not productive for our m for you to continue to service that house. h mumbled something about perhaps eventually I wont. whatever just didn't settle right with me. but I ski'd off. put in a few more runs then decided I'd like to go take a nap told h he could go ski the diamonds while I slept. (i am a woosy skier) h decided to come in but went to the bar while I slept (didn't thrill me much but wtf)
that evening we both got massages. h took the male and later let me know it was so that I wouldn't get angry at him for taking the woman. (what if I wanted the man??) then we went back to the room and I poored a bath with way too many bubbles and turned on the jets. invited h in. then h decided we should get dressed and go down to dinner. I told him he'd have to shave my legs first, which he did, then we drained the tub and took a shower. then got dressed. (all that work up and no good stuff?) so we went down to dinner and had a few drinks. h then said why don't we play a couple games of pool and then go up and cuddle, I said why don't we skip the pool and just go up and cuddle. so we went up chainged into our pjs and h fell asleep. I wathced er and then went to sleep myself.
woke this am and decided I didn't want to ski, it was cold and snowy and I was hurtin from the day before (for those of you who don't ski, it is more than just sliding down a hill on two boards!! and we hadn't been in a couple years) h agreed so we took our showers (separately this time) got dressed checked out and headed of to breakfast. then stopped at a mall to get some stuff for son and my gf who was minding the kids. stopped at a pub for a beer and a drink then came home.
the whole ride home was a r talk. h doesn't have any more to say about his r with ow. is standing strong in that it was not at any point a pa. claims that no matter what he did it was never enough for me. he was never good enough for me. ( oh and that's why the one thing that I wanted from you, you gave to someone else??? all I wanted was for us to have a r not for you to just work and give me stuff)
basically I've realized that I cannot share with h, my hurt, my anger, my frustrations or my insecurities. as doing so only serves to push him away. so then I will let these feeling stew and he will never hear them. fair? no! but not much else I can do and h and I also discussed this.
so basically the whole ride home was crap til we were about 5 min from home and h suddenly realized what it was that infected our time that had been going well. (h is apparently a little thick)h asked what was it that set you off? h has another day care that he services that is in a complex that is also cared for, it is one of his primary customers when it comes to plowing as there are people dropping of their kids at 6am. I did not know of this other day care and was assuming it was her. h did not pick up the connection that I had made???
so when we got home gf was thrilled to see us (she doesn't have kids so spending that much time alone with two was an eye opener for her) we started to clean up the house then h took son outside so son could play in the snow and he could clean up the walkways with the snowblower.
h sent son in eventaully and stayed out for another 15min. I made some soup for son and h while I put dd to bed. h had been walking around in his underwear looking rather attractive and I let him know. told me well let's get these guys settled and then. well let's see. while I was putting dd to bed, h and son sat on couch watching tv. h fell asleep. I took son up and put him to bed. came back down and told h son wanted a kiss. h got up and went up to kiss son goodnight. I stayed in kitchen finishing the cookies I had been baking for our guests tommorow night. h never came back down. is asleep on sons bed.
so then?? I don't know?? I must have to much testosterone!
