WHO CARES what other people think? I KNOW you don't want to run your life based on what will look good to others.
I think you are most afraid of your own judgment against yourself. Maybe it is time to gain a little compassion for the WASs. They aren't evil. They aren't stupid. They simply are unwilling to live in an M that doesn't work for them. Some are right about whether it can ever work for them, some are wrong. And yes, maybe it means admitting that your H wasn't totally evil when he left.
Like I said, I don't think depression is the problem in your M either. But, like I said, it is probably clouding your judgment and keeping you stuck.
When I was whining and moping and wanted something from the store one snowy day when XH had the car, you told me to get off my a$$ and walk to the store. I did. It changed my day, it changed my outlook.
LL, get off your a$$ and get some exercise.
Get off your a$$ and go do something fun solely for you.
Get off your a$$ and get to a L.
Quit living your life in a certain way by blinding yourself to other options. You may or may not take the options you find, but you need them to live a free life.
