can I win her back?

[Concerned_Listener]

Whem we get home, it's "I don't know if I can go on like this. I can't stand kids anymore. I can't live like this. I feel like moving out and just taking care of myself. What's wrong with me?"

I reply it's a MLC. She responds--no it's just a crisis. I've taken care of everything else too long and not taken care of myself. I know you're trying to help more, but I can't go on like this."

Told ILU. She replied "ILU too, but I don't feel like I'm in love. I'm not saying I'm ending the marriage, but things need to change for me to want to stay."

What move do I make now? Do I just keep being supportive?

Scout,
She's trying to express to you that she's struggling, and doesn't know how to fix the problem. She sounds like she's "drowning" in stress.

I would go into problem-solving and listening mode, and see what you can do to lighten her load. Choose things that would be helpful to her, not what you think is helpful. This should help to some extent, but my guess is her issues run beyond something you can fix for her.

Be supportive, help her solve problems, listen without judgment to her dreams and ideas. She needs the space to explore what will make her happy. She sounds "burnt-out" from her obligations and responsibilities.

She mentioned that she has to learn to take care of herself. It sounds like she needs to make some needed changes in how she approaches life, yet is fearful, or doesn't know how.

The fact that she's articulating that she needs to make a change is good. IC might be more helpful to her at this point, than MC--the marriage is one more responsibility to her.

Address this with her, and let her feel your supportive presence. She doesn't seem like she's empowered enough to move forward on her own--taking care of yourself implies being a burden to others, and being selfish in her mind.

Do you two have enough recreation in your lives? Is life too much obligations and responsibilities?

CL