Matilda, I personally think Buddhist concepts do an excellent job of helping people to transform toxic thoughts/feelings into something healthier. Are you open to this? If not, I can respect that.
You don't have to convert into their religion, or begin a meditation practice. I think familiarity with the basic concepts, and integrating them into your knowledge base is helpful by itself.
The book I would recommend (audio CD in your case) would be "Lovingkindness" by Sharon Salzberg. I'm reading a chapter on hindrances to compassion. It speaks of holding onto something too tightly as a source of suffering. This includes our spouses, expectations, people, and ideas.
The concepts of desire and attachment are central to happiness and suffering. We have to become aware when we are "holding on too tightly" to something, and loosen our grip. Problems occur when desire becomes entitlement, and attachment becomes codependency (I'm mixing eastern and western terms here).
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
