I am tired, tired, tired!!! there never seems to be a "right" time to talk about things, and honestly I don't think h wants to talk about things. he seems to just want to go along merrily and let things just be! wtf? you can't just put things under the carpet, there are obviously issues in our r that need to be worked out, talked about, dealt with etc. or we will simply find ourselves in the same place again!

there just never seems to be a right time with h and it is bothering me.

so h finnaly made it home tonight at about 8pm after I had put the kids to bed.
I had asked h to bring home milk for dd for the am, he did but he knocked it over in comming in the door and called for a mop. I told him to just leave it there and I'd clean it up before I went out to get more milk. h came in, I made his dinner, he sat and talked about how much snow we have here and that he'd probably go down to work area tommorrow to get the bobcat to clean it up (yup we got that much) I said nothing, then h said well maybe I can have employee bring it up cause I really don't want to leave tommorrow . h said his head was spinning, I asked why, he said so much to do, I said well don't worry about here you have enough to worry about. I then got ready to go get the milk, h thought I couldn't get my car out cause his truck was in the way...thought for a sec then said I suppose you could just take it...let me know I'd have to back down the driveway cause he didn't plow the turnaround, was ok by me. then all of a sudden h (who couldn't clean up milk) decides he's gonna turn the truck around. ya whatever go run and erase the calls from your second cell phone. so then I ask h when he last spoke to ow..he says a while ago I don't know (ya whatever) I said honestly when. h says a couple weeks ago...no no about a month ago before the first snow to find out about the drive and where to put the snow...like he hasn't been plowing this driveway for years???

so that's that I leave in his truck..(btw ow's h still living at house he answered when I called. shame on me I hung up, I need to grow up don't I)

low and behold there lies h's plow list and the lists of his employees as well...yup you guessed it contrary to what h says to me...her house is on his list clearly defined as "my list"

whatever...I came home and told h I will not trust him as long as he keeps lying to me.

before I left I let h know that I am seriously considering getting a job and putting the kids in daycare..I do not want to pretend to be a happy housewife when I am not.

h's response what did you think it would be like having kids. you knew you'd be home with them.

h wants to live his life and apparently if I am not to make waves in it I am to live his life too or be made to feel like less of a woman.

honestly how many women today stay at home alone in the woods all day long with nobody but two little kids...waiting for somebody to come home who she never knows what his mood will be??

I feel like a kept woman and I don't like it. why should I have to live under his thumb? why should I if I want to have something for myself have it only at night??

should I just be like him and his mother...make the decision all on my own and just tell him??


obviously I am a bit angry right now.
h has tromped off to bed angry. to my bed. great so now when I want to go to sleep there'll be a sweaty dirty (unless he stopped at his lovely little appartment to take a shower I noticed that the truck has already been swept out from the storm) grumpy man!


I just want to go home!!!

LL