You are absolutely correct in the that you can not fix your W. You can encourage change by validating the things she does attempt to do; you can initiate change by working on yourself and making changes within yourself....but you can not change or "fix" your W. Any changes she makes will have to come from within herself.
What you can do is communicate CLEARLY with her..don't be vague. Don't say things like "I want you to desire me"...I don't know that you say that, but that is a vague comment to use as an example. "Desire" is freely interpereted...what it looks like to you, may not be the same as what it looks like to her kwim? What you CAN do is give her specific actions that you will recognize as effort on her part to meet your needs. Those things help.
