The blow of

[cat03]

oh boy, where to begin?
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He said he wanted to come back home from the day he left he was just completely consumed with guilt for cheating.
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I believe him 100%, this same stich was going on w/my H, he was too ashamed to come back and face his failure and mistakes. It took great courage for your H to admit to you how guilty he is and to ask to be back, trust me, it took every once of strenght.

Are you still angry about the A? I'm wondering if that's the real reason you think you are so "detached" you cant have him back. By detaching, we mean not to ride the emotional rollercoaster our WAS are in when they leave and make mistakes.

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I feel hurt and confused. I am sure this is normal but is it possible to get that feeling back?
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Yes it is, when my H came back, he basically had little feelings for me, we both knew that. Our councelor told us that M has its stages, at first attraction is the force that bonds a couple. Much later on, when the stars and rainbows fade, it is commitment that makes the stronger bond, and that's what we had to work on.
It has taken almost a whole yr for my H to finally say he loved me, of course before he did care for me and was trying to be loving to the extect the could (not much at the beginning) but we started almost from ground 0.

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"Once a cheater....." is that really true?
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No it isn't, your H isn't a womanizer, there are men who hop from woman to woman, and your H just sounds like a man who was depressed in his M and made the mistake of looking for attention elsewhere (no, this is not an excuse.)

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Can this all just start over? Is that possible?
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Yes it is, totally posible, tons of us here in piecing are living proof of it (I used to be a reg poster, now a lurker, you might find some good old posts if you go back a few pages back)

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He's literally begging me to forgive him and trying his best to make amends.
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He's trying his darnest, I give your H credit, when my H came back all he had to say is "well, I guess I lost my head there for a while", no heartfelt appologies, no promises to make ammends.

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I told him that the best I could do right now would be to accept a dating kind of arrangement.
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That's exactly what my H's C told him, a few weeks before he asked to move back, that we needed to find each other again. But remember, love isnt' a feeling (we all watch too many movies) it is a desicion, you must want and decide to love him again if you want this to work.
Two months after he left my H and I went out on our anniversary, (at the time he was seing ow) Nine months afterwards, after he moved back and all, I asked him why he did it if he was w/ow, he said "I wanted to see if I felt something". Of course he didnt' feel anything! his mind was not geared on wanting to work it out, he was waiting on the magical fairies to bring that rapture he was feeling for ow and that at some point he felt for me when we were dating.

It is ok to be scared and not trust him, I was also lied to for months before he left, my H set up everything to leave me high and dry all the while acting as if all was ok. Trust needs to be rebuilt w/time, and second thoughts always come up, we all wait for the other shoe to drop for the longest time, it is totally normal. But w/time and work your M will become stronger and better than before, trust me.

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Now, Im not sure I want that life back.
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Nope, nor would I want the sham of an M I had before. I suffered horrible, but now my M is so much better than before, I appreciate my H and I'm a new person. He also didnt' want "more of the same" and we went to counceling, which helped tons.
The wounds take time to heal, but they do.

I want you to please get the book "healing the hurt in your marrige" read it cover to cover, but begin by reading the chapter about forgiveness. You have so much to gain, dont' let fear rob you of what can be a wonderful and stronger M. I"ll pray for you.