no it's not chili's (he did take her out to dinner while we were separated but I assume all she was worth was a trip to the 99) , I think because it was a year ago that i found out about her and then after h's leaving and comming back again learned that he had still been seeing her despite the fact that he told me he wasn't I'm kinda iffy. seems different this go around though, he doesn't get angry when I ask. today I said to him that I'm scared, he said he knows he hasn't been around much 'cause of the snow storms but assures me that he is with no one but me.
ow is a customer (i hope not come the spring but guess I have to leave that up to h, he knows my thoughts) and someone plows the driveway, I just hope that is not on h's route. last thing I need is for her to be bringing him out a cup of coffee, saying oh how are you doing??? bla bla bla.
she needs to find another man to "plow her driveway" hopefully her own. the fact that your h didn't get mad really shows he has nothing to hide. he is not with her. he loves you. he is home with you. he has children with you. he has a past, present and future with you. she was make believe, an escape, not reality. bty, is she still married? sick? and aren't there other companies she can call for her landscaping needs? can you h refuse to go to that job? lisa
as far as I know she is still married, it was only august when she finally asked her h for a d and the last I knew her h was still living in the home.
there certainly are other landscaping companies in the town that she could well get (she may not be able to afford landscaping once she does get the d, doubt her h will be as generous as mine was going to be with me) it basically comes down to a business decision for h to make. I have argued with him about keeping that house on his customer list but really I can't make the decision for him... he knows my thoughts and honestly if he knows what is best for him he will drop them. thing is he does have other customers on the street (culdisac) and one of his fears is that they'll drop him (ya whatever if he's good they'll keep him regardless of who cares for that house but then again people are weird) I recommended that he contract the street out to someone else (he has done that with some other customers when the load got heavy) then all that comes through him is the paperwork and he does not have to go there. at this point I think h now knows what he has to lose by keeping this woman in his life and it really isn't worth it.
I keep having an urge to send this poor pathetic woman an annonomous copy of dr. why would I want to help her save her m now that I've got my h?? cause I am a sap!!
You know LL, he has to make his own decisions and whatever that may be, it is not up to you to really judge wether it is the right decision or not. I completely understand your worries, but at some point, for the marriage to be rock steady, you will have to let go and simply trust him again. And maybe this "test" is exactly the time to do it. Dont question his decisions, but be there for him and support him. He may very well sens this trust and love you even more for it. So let him plow her driveway if he must and stop worrying. He says he is with you, it is perhaps time for you to truely believe it !
Quoting lostlove: why would I want to help her save her m now that I've got my h?? cause I am a sap!!
LOL. You are just a woman with a big heart.
I did agree with Lisa; it is not appropriate for your H to keep plow the OW's driveway. Looks like you guys got it all planned out. But, as you know, you have to decide the timing of it. Even though your H is home, it may need another while before you can make such a request...
Quoting lostlove:just the mention of the appartment bugged me
Really, I know how upset you must feel about the apartment, as it must have reminded you of the unpleasant memories. However, don't sweat on the small matter. In the grand scheme of your H's coming home, this is not going to matter. See how much understanding he showed to you when you said you were scared. He really knows how you feel, but just give him a little bit more time to sort out "his" best thing to do. Remember, Martians hate women telling them to do things...
Is his love language act of service? I see him working very hard for his family, but not really big on making an occassion (like making fuss of a proposal to you...) I see his actions speak lots of love and caring for you and your family. Give him some credit for working hard in the days like this. Geez, 20" out your neck of woods ? That is lots of snow and lots of $$$ (more importantly, lots of work... )
Quote: Is his love language act of service? I see him working very hard for his family,
I honestly don't know, cause when he was fully adimant about wanting a d, he still wanted to pay for the house and provide (very well) for the kids and ME, he wanted to cut the lawn, brought me a drink if I happend to be here at the same time as him, talked of putting in a pool for the kids and I etc...all this while he was "in love" with ow and planning to be with her. he wasn't doing these things for her? so then what is his love language?? dammed if I know, don't think he does either.
I have been feeling down lately and I don't think it has anything to do with h. when h left I had already started to loose the pregnancy weight and just kept loosing over the summer, got to the point that people were asking if I was eating, my clothes (even the new ones) were hanging on me, I was getting to be skin and bones, a month or two before h's return I got my appetite back and now that h is back it seems like I am always hungry (and no their is no pregnancy inducing hunger) so since h's return I have put back on 10lbs. and I don't like it. maybe I'll find a new gym to join and just keep the cookies that I bake in the freezer (I hate them cold but h and son don't mind them that way so if I keep them there I wont eat them)
also have been thinking alot about what I am going to do with my life. what do I want to be when I grow up?? do I have to grow up??? I will be 30 this month, is that bothering me?
so things to do soon.
find a new gym in the area that doesn't cost a fortune. preferably one with an in house day-care for patrons. (hey why not right as long as it's clean)
go tanning (may help with the cabin fever and a tan is always purty)
find a part time job, could settle for walmart but would prefer to find a halfway house for teens or something like that needing night help.
talk to friends sister who is a hs guidance councelor about her job (pay, schedule, requirements etc)
get back to keeping the focus on me.. and letting h be h.
I am slowly making it through your threads. Right now for me it's been just 3 mos since H left. That's right about where I am in reading your sitch. I am having the same frustations you were having at that time.....tired of fighting it. So I am truly at the point of detaching and completely letting go and let God. I hold onto my faith that God will see me through this. And that He will work on both myself and my H individually so we can one day be together again.
I would appreciate it if you would go through my threads and give me some insight as to what you think I've done right and/or wrong so far. Meanwhile, I still have a lot to read up on your's. I think when I stopped reading last night I was up to August.
Quote: We saw that at the brewery. Nachos anyone?!
SI
awww! c'mon now I wasn't the only one eating them and they were good! plus I hadn't eaten dinner and you could've said something nice like we'll LL I've seen you and I don't know where you're hiding this supposed 10lbs! ya damn martian!! LL
Quote: I worry sometimes, I don't want to push him away and it seems the way he came home was by me just "goind dark" and acting "as if" well what do you do once they come home????
Well, although my W was at home, she wasn't mentally. Tell you what, LL, when you discover the answer to this question, please pass it on my way. I don't know what the hell to do?!?!
Quote: think this morning I told h like 5 times that I love him, even once called him and said "do you know" h "know what" "how much I love you" I haven't said it for so long I want to say it all the time but can't.
How does he respond, LL? Does he reciprocate those words? I understand this need, and I also understand that by saying it it's more pressure. Maybe in your sitch it's not quite as much pressure as in mine.
You talked about doing this and that (like a job) to keep yourself busy. Do you think if you really went after it, it would be the same as when you acted "as if" to get your H back? In other words, do you think by doing your own thing, it will bring your H closer? Seemed like it worked before...
!
? That is lots of snow and lots of $$$ 
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