cj, I think that talk you and your H had sounds so positive. He said he thinks you want to change his personality, and one thing I have realized from a lot of recent reading, men hate to be told their personality, basically who they are, needs to be changed. Maybe the getting drunk that night and crying is showing how extreme his emotions were about the conversation.
I have learned to stop trying to change my H, and accept him, with all his flaws, as he is. I know that he won't usually think to do something nice for me, so the times he does, like the other night when he asked me to come out and sit with him on the patio. It's a small thing, but right now, with all we have been through with his EA, and the fights we used to have over that, I will take it, and be happy when these type of things happen.
One thing I do is to try to stay positive around him, and show my affection to him, and he is responding to it somewhat. He, too, is a somewhat stoic kind of guy, and it takes alot for him to cry or show extreme emotions. In Nov. he and I were talking and he started really crying hard, and saying he wanted us to try and repair our M and that he didn't know what to do. I told him we would work on it together, we would help each other. I think part of him was mourning the EA being ended. The next night, he started crying again, a little less, and my IC told me it was a good sign that he was ready to work on us. I have only seen him cry a few times, and this was heavy crying, so I know the emotions were extreme.
My H told me he doesn't like to be told when to do something nice, he would rather do it on his own, but like you, it may be a long time coming. He recently asked me if I would like to go to a dr.s appt with him, and then he took me out to lunch, and one Sunday after church, he just out of the blue drove to a favorite restaurant of S's and ours. It's little things like that that will give me hope.
You said your H likes things that make him feel loved and worthwhile; have you thought about putting a love letter in his lunch, or in his car, or in his pocket right before he leaves for work?
