Let's hear it for the refresh button at the end of the year!
LL you are so cool -- put them rules down one- two- three. I am so happy you are renewing things with your H. Good work, grrrlll!
I really relate to wanting a romantic ceremony, new vows. Sounds like we are at similar places. My H is also home and seems happy. What next?
"I want more R talk."
But I do not talk about the R. Taboo subject. Amazingly, however, now that I'm silent on the subject, he's beginning to talk about "us." He reminisces a little, looks forward a little, cuddles "his grrrlll."
"I want to have another wedding ceremony."
The old me would be bitter by now that he hasn't "read my mind" and asked me to marry him again. The new me doesn't demand any particular words, but lets him re-connect "in his own way."
"I want him to shut down his other place for good."
I do not like him maintaining that apartment. But I will not talk about his other place with him. Taboo subject. Bite your lip, Bridget.
Old me would have: dramatized my pain over him moving there, made subtle digs about how it's a financial drain, pushed him to close it down in a symbolic gesture (stake thru heart of OW)
New me will: let him re-frame his "bachelor pad" as an "office space," will (gulp) drop by there when he asks me to come over so he can show me something he's working on, will see his gesture as HIM putting stake thru heart of his "other life apart"
"What goals next?"
-- Find peace with what happened to us/accept reality (including H being MALE with all the trappings)
-- Fit myself squarely in the picture (meet my own true needs, I get to play, I get some toys, I can have online friends, I can be fit, I can fit in)
-- See happiness (lighten up)/talk back to the distorted negative (no more catastrophizing mindreading dire predictions blaming labelling shoulds perfectionism)
-- Learn to play kick-ass guitar
Let's keep checking in to see "what actions" we come up with, eh?
