Sweety, this is exactly what I was talking about. Don't beat yourself up too badly. You are human.
Talking in general now:
For my own part, I have come to realize that integrity is something you are not born with, but that you learn. We have ALL been in some very dicey situation, whether of our own making or not.
Sometimes we even KNOW better and still screw up.
This stuff is HARD. Really, really HARD. I read the article that NOP posted about the new infidelity... and while I agree with the recommendations... those recommendations are, in fact, THE PROBLEM. It's easy to say, "well, just be honest with your spouse." Throw in some dysfunction, some lovely FOO issues, a few bad mistakes you probably don't want to own up to (especially if no one knows and you don't HAVE to)... and now all of a sudden, you're miles away from being honest... not only with yourself, but even your spouse.
Ask Mrs. Cac how hard self-honesty can be. Ask Mrs. NOP how devastating it is to your psyche when you realize how your own actions have hurt another... that you claim to love. Jesus Christ that hurts.
For some people, pain goes so deeply, they can NEVER face it.
Infidelity is discussed here sometimes like a regular ole' witch hunt. I'm not excusing it, I'm not advocating it, I'm not saying it doesn't HURT. It is devastating. BTDT.
But I have found that the only way through it... once the pain begins to fade, is the willingness for some serious self-examination, self-honesty, a bit of self-kindness... and gradual change over time... (LOL - I'm the one to talk, Ms. Thing with NO PATIENCE).
The reason I brought up the 'posting from work example,' is... we LIE to ourselves every day. That doesn't make us bad people, it doesn't mean we rank right up there with ax murderers and rapists. It means we are all human, and if we can't get 'real' with ourselves first... how in the heck are we supposed to do that with a partner?
Peron X's offense may be worse than person Y's offense... (and who gets to decide that, btw, when hurt is hurt... who measures who is hurting more?) but we ALL offend. We are ALL guilty of it. I think the person who has the greatest chance of recovery is the person willing to look at themselves and see what part THEY are playing. That's a real tough thing to do when you are hurting, or lonely, or angry, or whatever. The very worst thing you can do, in my opinion, is pull the PIOUS card... even if you have never committed a sin yourself. That's pretty flippin' hard NOT to do when you are hurting.
LFL, Chrome -- from a person who has hurt others and who has been hurt by others plenty, whether by my own making or not... I feel your pain. I'm rooting for both of you to find your peace and your healing.
