Lots has been said and speculated about and I really want to clear some things up. First off, Chrome and I are/were clearly in a very difficult emotional place in our M's. When we met on here, my H and I were still S and Chrome was dealing with OW. We both truly wanted to have our M's fixed but the emotional connection started to spiral out of control. (At least on my end, I cannot speak for Chrome). Some people have mentioned spouse bashing. I can honestly say I don't think we ever talked badly about our spouses or even discussed our M much at all. The thing that started this all off was our similar interest in music. Most of our email convos were about that, or teaching, or other typical "friend" stuff. The real problem was not necessarily the friendship, but that we both kept it secret. I will always regret that because I lost a great friend and couldn't maintain boundaries. I take more responsibility for this than Chrome. I really messed up and still struggle with everything that happened. And now for some painful honesty, I am writing this here in this open forum because I am scared if I don't, I will be tempted to communicate with Chrome thru emails, yet again, even at the risk of F*cking things up even more. I'm sure you are all saying "boo hoo for you" but that is ok. I can take it and deserve it. But there are REAL people that all of you are talking about and not just some people to be dissected and analyzed and judged. I can handle all of the above, but just want to make it clear that it still hurts like hell and often times, all my CBT work just flies out the window. It is a constant struggle between my emotions, my thoughts, my integrity (which needs major work), and just fighting plain old boredom. Sad but true. But if we are all honest with ourselves, all of us are probably on this board in one way or another to meet some unmet needs...validation, escape, many issues that have been mentioned. Ok, I've purged enough I think. Hope you are all well.
I'm sure you are all saying "boo hoo for you" but that is ok. I can take it and deserve it. But there are REAL people that all of you are talking about and not just some people to be dissected and analyzed and judged. I can handle all of the above, but just want to make it clear that it still hurts like hell and often times, all my CBT work just flies out the window. It is a constant struggle between my emotions, my thoughts, my integrity (which needs major work), and just fighting plain old boredom. Sad but true. But if we are all honest with ourselves, all of us are probably on this board in one way or another to meet some unmet needs...validation, escape, many issues that have been mentioned. 