New To SSM

[ACJ]

COG as you know I am nowhere near the stage you are at. In fact as things look at the moment I an unlikely to ever be so. However I do follow your threads mainly b/c during our M I had similar issues to your W. I needed to feel good about having sex with my H etc etc and unfortunately for me it seems to have eventually pushed him into the arms of several OWs. So during our separation I have searched deep within myself to try and uncover some of the reasons why I felt like I did. Ironically now I 'quiver' every time I see my H! LOL Joking aside I have worked on myself and one of the things I did was take myself off to an erotic dancing class! This was something I would never have done before as I would've seen it as 'seedy'. I booked it through the 'comfort' of the activity club I have joined. It was an all ladies session so I knew I was 'safe'. The session started off teaching us how to walk sexily and how to make sure everyone in a room, male and female alike, knew of our presence! Then the lesson went on to show us how to take off our clothes provocatively. If you can imagine 10 women all wearing their bra and knickers over their jeans and T shirt who have all been plyed with wine to loosen thier inhibitions I think you will also be able to imagine why I laughed so much! So I had no-one at home to 'practice' my new found skills on and still don't BUT the confidence it gave me was amazing. Now when I walk into and out of a room I follow through with what I was taught. It was all about subtle messages but boy does it work. I'm not interested in another man BUT since I went on this course I have been flirted with more than I ever have in my entire life. If I ever do have an intimate R with anyone ever again I know I still have to get over my hang up of the 'battle scars' that having 3 children brings but I do now at least know how to make myself feel sexy. For me that was the key. I needed to feel sexy irrespective of what I look like in the mirror.

Having read this it is jumbled and rambles but I think you will be able to understand my meaning here. I'm not suggesting you book your W onto a similar class but I am suggesting that she find ways to feel good about herself to help her to feel good about intimacy with you.

Good luck.