decluttering... But don't do it just for your husband, do it for yourself.
That has been the problem up until now. I am ready to start taking care of myself!
My problem is boxes of stuff, especially paper---old magazines (with tips on decluttering ), old letters, outdated coupons, recipes, etc.....Problem is I have good things mixed in with bad things (I would clear off a table by piling things into a box when company was coming over (or H was due home). For example, yesterday I found our missing marriage certificate in with some old insurance papers. Maybe tomorrow I'll find my D16's birth certificate. It's time consuming going piece by piece. Not much to give away at this point, but have lots to throw away! I am trying to follow Flylady's advice and work for a period of time and then take a break. One issue in the past has been that it seems like an overwhelming task. I will take it in baby steps! Guess I should start at 3:30am when I wake up worrying about the direction my life is taking me.
THANK YOU EVERYONE! I appreciate hearing from you. Matilda
M2-I read in some book that if you are having trouble sleeping because of problems that are keeping yourself up, don't fight it. Get up and work on something (like decluttering) until you are tired again, then go back to bed. According to the book, and my experience, your sleep will improve after a couple days of doing this. Your body/mind do not like this and will let you sleep.
Good luck
Me: 44 S: 17 and 7 Final-6-13-08 I once went to a psychic who told me I would soon feel cheated......
Problem is I have good things mixed in with bad things (I would clear off a table by piling things into a box when company was coming over (or H was due home). For example, yesterday I found our missing marriage certificate in with some old insurance papers. Maybe tomorrow I'll find my D16's birth certificate.
Oh dear lord. Never mind H, I am having palpitations just thinking about this. You are in for such a happy time when you discover just how liberating being organized is I have to agree with Ellie, for me this level of, ummmmm, confusion would be unbearable. Seriously, I would have left NG. It is like having to breathe poor quality air.
Plus it must be wearing you out too. I scan all the documents that come through the post, and unless they are certificates, they get recycled. Finding pdf files in a directory is so much easier. We have bank statements, credit cards etc going back 10 years, and looking for them is dead easy. Plus we don't need tons of shelf space. Our scanner/printer/copier cost UK pounds 70.
How do you reward yourself when a piece of decluttering is out of the way? That is important too. It's a bit like revising for exams - you need a treat at the end of every chapter
Matilda - I'm not a naturally organized person either. But I have picked up a few helpful tips over the years.
The most important thing is, having a place for things. I have a file cabinet now with well-marked files. One book I read INSISTED on getting a label-maker to label the files. Seemed superfluous at the time, but that guy was absolutely right - having them so clearly marked makes it ten times easier to find the right file.
Now, when I need the passports, I go to the passport file. Car insurance? Insurance file. American Express bills to find business expenses for our taxes? All the last year's statements in the American Express file. I'm even better organized than my husband sometimes!
Of course, if you're like me, you've probably made some such systems before, and had them disintegrate over time. I think the keys are: - a well-marked and not-overcrowded space for each item - a commitment to periodically filing and clearing. (I file my statements after I pay the monthly bills; after I finish our taxes I remove that year's statements from the filing cabinet).
As for those piles of papers - I'll admit, I've got a pile in the corner of my bedroom that happened just the same way. I wasn't done with some paperwork, and people were coming over, so I piled it in our bedroom - and haven't gotten it finished yet. It's on my list for this week, though, and I plan to have it done before H returns from his business trip.
Take things one bite at a time the flylady way, or recruit a good friend to help you have a marathon to get you going. It takes time to build those habits that help you maintain, Flylady is good for that.
Matilda, I personally think Buddhist concepts do an excellent job of helping people to transform toxic thoughts/feelings into something healthier. Are you open to this? If not, I can respect that.
You don't have to convert into their religion, or begin a meditation practice. I think familiarity with the basic concepts, and integrating them into your knowledge base is helpful by itself.
The book I would recommend (audio CD in your case) would be "Lovingkindness" by Sharon Salzberg. I'm reading a chapter on hindrances to compassion. It speaks of holding onto something too tightly as a source of suffering. This includes our spouses, expectations, people, and ideas.
The concepts of desire and attachment are central to happiness and suffering. We have to become aware when we are "holding on too tightly" to something, and loosen our grip. Problems occur when desire becomes entitlement, and attachment becomes codependency (I'm mixing eastern and western terms here).
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
Great point about jealiousy. I'll have to look at that book....
One thing I've noticed is my pain and jealousy are worse when I'm emotionally selfish. When I emotionally go into a more loving, forgiving, more selfless place then I seem to be much happier, I love myself more and can deal with just about anything.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
I'll check out that book (gee whiz, YOU rememered my preference for audio books, CL! You are a thoughtful guy!!!) I am open to anything at this point (well, almost anything). I really need to get back into detaching!! I was getting decent at it before, but now I'm lousy. I am proud of myself for not calling H, although I did a text message last night while waiting to pick up D16. I just asked about his day. He answered back immediately. Then D16 showed up so I sent another TM with just a quick "good night".
H was at the house today while I was at work. Both his car and truck are missing now. Can't figure that out unless he loaned one to someone. I can't believe he'd want them both out of the garage (they are "his toys"). One idea popped into my head.....I could report a missing vehicle. That made me smile.
H's timing is SO PERFECT! My parents 60th anniversary celebration is Friday. Everyone will ask about H. They will think he's not there because of his job (which is partly true). I certainly won't talk about my situation....don't want to dampen any of the spirits there. Just hope someone doesn't catch me off guard and I start crying!
D16 asked if H wanted to come to dinner and he declined (he had told her he would be over, but obviously he came earlier). She said he sounded mad. At least D16 is keeping in touch with him. She has called him every day right after school That is a good thing. Of course, it's not even been one week yet!
), old letters, outdated coupons, recipes, etc.....Problem is I have good things mixed in with bad things (I would clear off a table by piling things into a box when company was coming over (or H was due home). For example, yesterday I found our missing marriage certificate in with some old insurance papers. Maybe tomorrow I'll find my D16's birth certificate. 
It's time consuming going piece by piece. Not much to give away at this point, but have lots to throw away! I am trying to follow Flylady's advice and work for a period of time and then take a break. One issue in the past has been that it seems like an overwhelming task. I will take it in baby steps! Guess I should start at 3:30am when I wake up worrying about the direction my life is taking me. 
I have to agree with Ellie, for me this level of, ummmmm, confusion would be unbearable. Seriously, I would have left NG. It is like having to breathe poor quality air. 
