I asked him if it was because of me or because of him that he wasn't ready. He said both of us. So I asked him if he could tell me what *I* could be working on. He said he didn't like what we were doing now (meaning having that conversation). I've obviously known this all along
Yet you STILL continue to rope him into these conversations even though he tells you that is what he doesn't like....do you get what he is telling you???...he isn't going to make the 'move' until you can prove to him that your OK...
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I told him that it was giving me mixed messages (like what Jody said to tell him) and that it was both confusing and hard on me, that I loved it when he came home and spent time with me and that I have really enjoyed making love to him but at the same time that I just didn't understand what he was doing and why, etc., and that it is hard on me. I told him that I felt like I wasn't respecting myself. (That was hard to say...)
He knows what messages he is sending...he also knows you don't have enough respect for yourself to tell him NO...so why should he respect you if you don't even respect yourself???...Until you do...or at least stand up for yourself...expect more of the same...
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I should have the right to be able to spend time with him and ML to him. At the same time, it's just not fair to anyone for him to be playing both sides of the fence. Anyway, I've now expressed my concerns with this, so we'll see what happens from here. As I said, I just have to pray that he will respect me for it.
Yes you should be able to do those things with your H but...neither of you are in that place yet for it to be healthy...no it's not fair for him to be playing both sides but as long as both sides allow it...hey, why not???....and again, until you have respect for yourself don't expect it from him....
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I said that things could obviously go either way (meaning from me to him to her/ from her to him to me, etc.) and that having unprotected sex might not be the best idea. I asked him what he thought about that, and he said he hadn't really thought about that and would have to give it some thought...
MIGHT NOT BE the best idea???...You have got to be kidding me...it absolutely ISN'T THE BEST idea...and then instead of saying something like...I don't want to do that anymore because after considering all of this I have more respect for myself then that you ASK HIM what he thinks???...lol, he is thinking he gets to sleep with two women who have no self respect but make him feel good!
And just so you know....asking him open ended questions...is still questioning him....it is okay to state what you think and then say something like....I would be interested in your take if you care to share...and leave it at that....but you really do go to far into a conversation with him...
I am concerned for where you are now...you are allowing him to come home and have sex with you (to him it is sex and that is why he can go back to the OW and have sex with her too...assuming that is what he is doing)....you are involving yourself way to much emotionally....you are clinging, needy, and still looking for reassurances from him even though this is really NOT the time...
YOU NEED TIME...bottom line...if he said he was coming home tomorrow you would fall all overself to open the door...and in a few weeks or months...you will be back here wondering what the heck went wrong...
I do agree that your H had other choices besides the A...however you DID contribute to the unhappiness in the M...if it hadn't been an A it would have been something else...and I am not so sure he would have gotten your attention...and maybe he knows that too???....Why do I say this???...because my H pretty much told me that he had the A because he knew nothing else would have changed things...so why not???...of course he had no intention of working things out down the road because he thought I was incapable of change...well...I showed him and myself...
In the process I did keep my self respect...I made sure and protected myself physically when he came home...I made sure he followed through on getting an STD panel before I let my guard down...
I am suprised with all the commercials on TV about herpes and how you can pass it on even when you don't have an outbreak that you wouldn't have known this...are you on any type of prescription therapy???...do you know they have prescription therapies available for persons like you and H???...you need to do some more homework on that as well...
I keep hoping that something will click with you but I have to agree with 25yrsMLC...you keep repeating, repeating, repeating...so why expect anything different???
