I'm really glad you go that prescription, that's a great step! Don't be surprised though if you don't feel affects from it immediately...it could take a few days, it could take a few weeks. I'm not familiar with that medication (and haven't googled it)...but just don't be disappointed if you don't feel the effects immediately k? It could take some time for it to build up in your system.
As for this "Our second biggest problem is that we avoid conflict at all cost. We're both peace makers, so we don't fight. We just hold the problem inside. This has caused resentment, etc, etc...." I know others will be able to pitch in on this as well but FWIW, my H is a CLASSIC conflict avoider, and well...I used to be. Guess what? You don't have to fight in order to address a problem/conflict. Often it seems it starts out that way, but that's because there are communication problems in general between you two. Makes sense right if the two of you hold the problems inside and let them fester?
Anyway, I happen to be the one who recognized the issue in my marriage (as you have) so it was up to me to begin to address it. I had to learn to simply suck up the courage to speak my mind when something bothered me BEFORE it festered and became a resentment...which WOULD possibly lead to hurt feelings and a fight. I learned that the best way to approach MY H was to say "Hon, I need to get something off my chest and I want your opinion too."
With MY H this is a good approach because in his past he became accustomed to women attacking or finding fault with him. I don't know the history of you or your W, but I kind of like this approach because...it's non-threatening. This way my H knows something's coming BUT he also knows I want to hear what he has to say when I'm finished. Right up front your spouse knows that she will get a chance to say her piece too.
Another thing that is important to keep in mind (like I'm some expert here...but believe me if I can get my H to listen these things will probably come in handy for you to overcome conflict avoidance too LOL.)...is that often people read into what we say. What a pain huh? We say one thing...they hear another, really frustrating. My H was the KING of this. He'd take my words and completely twist what I said. As I said he looked for me to attack (when that's not who I am..I'm actually rational and reasonable and want to hear what he has to say, AND he doesn't have to agree with me)...so he'd twist my words to fit that purpose. I learned with him to very calmly repeat what I had said in a manner similar to this "I didn't say (whatever he said I said) and that's not what I meant either. What I said was (and repeat my exact words again). Miraculously enough...my H no longer puts words in my mouth and he now rarely twists my words. When he does...it's easy to get back on track now. At the beginning of the process though there were times I'd have to repeat myself 5-6 times before he really heard me...I kid you not.
Lastly...when you do have an issue to confront it's VERY important of course to speak your mind, but it's also VERY important to give her time to speak hers too, or to give feedback on what you said. BOTH sides need to be heard.
If you can try to employ these things eventually both of you will become comfortable addressing issues with each other...because you will both feel safe enough to talk to the other HONESTLY.
I can guarantee you that three years ago my H would never have felt safe enough to say what he REALLY felt. If he thought I wasn't going to like it...he'd avoid, avoid, avoid, avoid. I would too! I would have rather chewed my right arm off than risk making him mad at me. We aren't that way any longer...and we are MUCH happier as a result.
FWIW...we also now have a verbal agreement "there is NOTHING you can SAY to me that will cause me to walk out of this marriage." Of course there are things either of us can DO (such as infidelity) that could cause that...but NOTHING we can say that will result in that. That adds to the sense of security when communicating with each other.
Wow, how'd this post get so long....are you asleep yet? zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
