Afterall..... This IS my life IV for heatherg

[heatherg]

H is traveling, been gone over two weeks and will be gone for another 2-3 weeks.
Got a few things simmering. First, I am going to Las Vegas in May for work. I'll be gone for 4 days for work and then my sister said her and her H will be there that weekend for a Buddy Guy concert at the House of Blues, so I'm staying the weekend to spend time with her. I asked H if he would come with me. He said it depended on what was going to happen with this trip (the one he's on now). He was optimistic though saying that maybe he could fly straight from where he was for work to Las Vegas. I said 'You'll really be missing the kids by that point, but we'll wait and see what happens'. On the inside, I was very pleased that he would even MENTION flying straight from his work trip to Las Vegas....just to be with little ole me?! YEY!! Well, needless to say now he is balking and will likely not go. This is really just history repeating itself. Over. And over.

This stuff builds. You know how it is. There was the symphony event that he was supposed to come with me to for my work-but he stayed too long helping his parents out with something even though they kept encouraging him to go, go, get going. So I went alone. Then his mother offered to babysit for us since we didn't get to go to the symphony and I mentioned it again because I thought she said she'd babysit that weekend and I suggested to H maybe we could go see a movie that I'd been wanting to see. He said "She didn't necessarily say she'd babysit this weekend, just that she'd babysit'. I said oh and he never mentioned it again.

What does all this mean? This means that I need time and H seemingly refuses to give it to me. Repetitively. It's so repetitive that I can't help but wonder if he's pulling power plays by doing this. Which of course makes me want to play my cards closer to my chest as opposed to being honest about how much it hurts me.

It doesn't help that he's traveling. He misses the kids terribly when he's gone and he says he misses me too, but he's much more specific about them. And when I'm having a difficult time he'll jokingly say "I'll trade ya". That pretty much pisses me off because it's like he doesn't get it that he travels because he's made the decision to travel. I have to live with his decision just as much as he does and I didn't even make the frickin decision. I've encouraged him soooo many times to look for something different. In fact, I had a job for him at my company if he wanted it that had zero, I repeat zero travel. He decided to take this job that he has now because it promised LESS travel. Yeah, well, I'm not seeing the less part so far, I'm just seeing the travel part. I was supportive though because I understood that the job he was taking was with the same company just a different division which means he wouldn't have to entirely give up the comfort level he'd built up by switching to an entirely different company. I don't want to be a martyr here, but it's tough doing this all by myself. I get very lonely. And instead of appreciating me for what I do here by myself, he honestly thinks I should feel lucky that I'm not the one traveling! HEL-LO, I don't travel because I don't want to...you could make the same decision!