To me, it is very much a related analogy. What keeps you in line in life? The rules... the vows... or your own integrity?
Because of the violation of trust with an employer may not be on a romantic level... it is still a violation of trust. Who gets to decide which violation is worse?
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So many people who become involved in EA's spend their time fantasizing about that other person...
I've had a LOT of fantasies during the day... while I was married, and while I have not been married (some about a good looking guy... some about what I'd do with the million dollars I could win in the lottery). Most men spend a GREAT DEAL of time, each day, fantasizing... and it could very well BE over the woman who happened to bend over in front of him to pick up her purse.
What I am talking about here is self-delusion and honesty. Most people here don't even think about the time taken at work to post here on the board because they just haven't been caught. No one has made it an issue. Therefore... why worry about it. (Not for you, but I bet it's different for various folks).
Often times, this is the same mind frame of a person having an affair. It's okay, as long as they are getting away with it. It can be rationalized away on all kinds of levels, and it all starts with the person and their need to escape.
Escape what or whom is something else... but I think you get where I am going with this.
I'm glad you've thought through these things, GEL, and your boundaries are firmly in place. Throughout my life... I have hurt, and I have been hurt. I've made some pretty piss poor decisions, and I've deluded myself on more than one occassion. My boundaries have been pretty crappy as well.
But in all of it, no matter what my life circumstances, no matter what rules or vows spoken, it all will always come down to MY OWN INTEGRITY and being able to be honest with myself... to either correct my course... or not. Those rules and those vows don't mean CRAP if **I** don't have the integrity to face it when I am deluding myself into thinking that whatever I am doing is okay, simply because I haven't gotten caught... no one knows.
So my point is... we've all done stuff. It goes a long way in feeding that compassion and empathy so desperately needed during the healing process.... or assisting you in drawing the line with another -- your behavior is not acceptable to me -- out of respect for self. It doesn't really have anything to do with rules or vows.
