I'm not so sure that Chrome has had TWO EAs. It's more like 1 and 1A. If it's over, it's over. Only Chrome can know that.
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She basically said that one of us is going to have to change who they are, and that person will be miserable. I think her exact words were "I feel like you are going to leave me if I don't change, and then I will be miserable either way."
I nearly said those exact same words to my shrink waayyy back when, in M counseling. And he said to me, "if you want to change, change. If you don't want to change, don't." And I said, "but if I don't change (because he REFUSES to), then I'm ruining my marriage. Why is this all my responsibility?"
And he said... "it isn't all your responsibility. But what kind of M do you want to have? Don't change for him, change because you want a certain kind of M. If he doesn't like it, he can leave. But you can't control any of that. This isn't about him, this is about you."
Mrs. Chrome, it sounds, is feeling like she isn't good enough for you the way she is... and she is feeling resentment over the fact that YOU are the one who had the EA, yet SHE is the one who has to change. She's having a lovely (and certainly understandable) pity party of one.
Mrs. Chrome doesn't HAVE to be miserable. She just has to lose her resentment... like the same way HDs have to lose their anger. She is seeing, in a way, her two choice delima... and she is using the EA as her emotional weapon to keep her smack dab where she is (because she is pissed and hurt and resentful). She was not responsible for your decision for the EA, but she has 50% weight to carry up to and until that moment. She isn't completely innocent in all of this... now that time is passing, even SHE is beginning to realize that she cannot be a victim forever.
Keep being honest and compassionate and supportive... she can't use the EA forever to keep herself stuck. Looks at though she is beginning to crack. And while it is painful to watch someone you love hurt and cry... that's exactly what she needs to do to get it out of her system.
