Breakthrough ... and stuck

[Heywyre]

As a spouse that is going throught this a second time around, I can tell you, it would have been a whole heck of a lot easier had my H confessed to me rather than me finding out myself. Of course the radar is up, of course you suspect it, all the signs are there. It is pretty hard to cover it up. I am going through the pain, hurt, distrust and a million other emotions all over again. Had my H actually confessed and told me about the second one would I have been any less hurt? Of course not but I am possitive I would have been able to trust him a whole heck of a lot easier than I am now.

He is already passed it and can't figure out why I can't. We have been going for couples counselling for the past 8 months (4 months of it, I found out later, he was still seeing OW!!) How do you think that made me feel? Am I able to trust? I hardly think so and he wonders why

However, having said that, he is also SHOWING me that he means business this time, by his words AND his actions. He told me that regardless of whether or not we stay together, he has to get this under control for his own sanity. This made me feel pretty good knowing he wasn't doing it just for me, he wasn't doing it just for "us" - he was doing it because he knew he had to, to make HIMSELF a better person. THAT is the husband I want, not someone who does something because they think it is something the other person wants - that will NEVER work. That is what happened in the first A and 4 years later it happened all over again. We never dealt with it.

In Chrome's case, if they repair things and get back on track and his W finds out later that there was another A that he didn't tell her about, it will send her IMMEDIATELY into a tailspin and the odds of recovery out of that one are pretty slim. Does he take a risk telling her of A's she doesn't know about, you betcha!! But what would be worse, hearing it from him or someone else that knows your business better than you do - that would sting big time. Trust me, I know.