I thank all of you for your care and concern but some trains really do wreck. I realized how far my h has gone this weekend. I don’t want to play this game anymore. I have detached although I cannot fully detach because we have kids. I only contact when it is about the kids, I do admit that I am not a perfect DBer so I have slipped sometime. But, I am never disrespectful to my husband. Despite what I see from him, despite his myspace that says that he is single, despite him calling me names, despite his hanging up, despite the crazy looks, despite not showing to court, despite-despite-despite.
But now, it is time for the jig to be up. I am a person and I have feelings just like he does. I am surprised but not so much so that it has come to this. I am saddened, deeply saddened for my children. The rejection hurts, the humiliation of him talking to me so harshly this weekend because his EA/PA was sitting next to him in her car is more than enough. I went no contact, I went dark, I did all wrong in the beginning I begged, cried, threw myself on the floor, and allowed him to get strong when we could have gotten strong together. He does not see himself as a part of me anymore and that is okay. I cannot be a part of him like this and that is okay too.
Checkmate. I used to think that I would ache and hurt for him for forever. Not so sure about that any more. This is his emotional rollercoaster ride. I forgot to take my dramamine so i am getting off.
