Life goes on, and it ain't about Job

[81388*]

Thanks man,
Yes, reality is setting in. I don't know why I am surprised by the terms, I continue to give her credit for being a moral and ethical person when she is no longer that person. Nor has she been for some time now.

I know I can't afford what it would take for a long battle, but I just can't see willingly exposing my kids to people like this.

[osu43130]

I continue to give her credit for being a moral and ethical person when she is no longer that person.

Trust me I completely understand. I did the same thing at first and then finally came to the conclusion that STBXW and her problems are not mine to deal with anymore....

but I just can't see willingly exposing my kids to people like this.

Dont. She gave you her terms now write your own up with everything you want and have them sent to her. Make sure she knows that you are not going to just bend ovr and take it up the a$$ especially since she is the one that bailed. This is not really the time to be nice. It is a time to be firm with your beliefs right now. Stand behind them and do not break. You will have to bend a little but do not break.

[81388*]

Thanks O. Priorities at this point are to protect kids from as much bullsh!t as possible, avoid financial ruin, and come out of this with self-respect intact. Yes, I would still invite wife to join me in an incredible new life, but she would have to change one h*ll of alot before we could move forward even an inch. In the mean time, it is no longer about saving the marriage at all costs, or being nice, it is about protecting everything else. I plan on cont. to change for me, and cont. to discover who I really am and where I really want to be. The rest will be what it will be.

[osu43130]

Exactly brother...

Again if you ever need anything or just need to vent let me know...

[theoden]

8,

I looked at the terms she proposed. They are not terrible.

In effect, she's walking away from her kids except for every other weekend and 2 weeks in the summer.

--Theoden

[Yoyowife]

8,
I know I can't speak for all women, but these are my thoughts on your wife. I cannot imagine "giving" up my children like she is proposing to do. Personally right now it does not say much for her character. We all know typically that it is the mother who retains custody of the children. When a mother doesn't retain custody of her children, immediately I have had bad feelings about her. Your W cannot be in her right frame of mind right now. You are being the responsible one. Do what you have to do to take care of yourself and your precious children. They need you now more than ever. I know you are up for it.

[25yearsmlc]

8,

As a mother, I too cannot understand your W's choices. But she deserves some...."credit" I guess, for knowing she is not the parent to have the kids, so she isn't ditching the M and taking your kids from you. Hey, it could be worse. SO, I believe that you getting the kids is GREAT for you, them and I even think that to the extent your wife may someday "wake up", it will happen sooner b/c you have the kids and that is just too much for most women to handle for long. Be careful though, IF you do want to save the M. Her shame will be great, and eventually will surface. So, you have to Keep the Road Home Paved and Smooth, if reconciliation is your goal. Even if it is not, it'll help your kids to see a forgiving, compassionate approach with her. It'll be hard enough for her to try to come back, please don't make it harder than it already will be. Besides, anger, even if it is totally justified, will consume you AND hurt the kids. Try to see that forgiving her, with or without her knowing, is what's best for You and the kids.

Focussing on your kids and GAL, (which does NOT include dating in front of your kids, if at all) is the right thing to do AND, no mother is unmoved by the father of her children lovingly interacting with them. Good luck,
j-

[81388*]

Theo;
2 weeks per month of summer vaccation, (6 weeks per summer) and one week of spring break and every other christmas vacation, (an additional week).

After this summer, all of that could be with POS in the house, I can't see doing that to my kids, the girls have already said they don't ever even want to meet him, how can I let them be forced to live with him?

YM;
Thank you. I know she is not in her right mind, but I also know that I can't just sit back and see what happens when she is going to be this way about things.

25;
I hear what you are saying, and to some extent I agree, she does realize that she is not equiped to handle being a single parent, although her plan is to not be single for long, October to be exact. Yes 11 months post bomb drop on an 18 year marriage, she plans to be remarried. Thanks for the reminder, but dating in front of them will not be an issue for quite some time to come. They are being traumatized enough without having to worry if Dad is going to run out on them as well.

All;
What do I do at this point, do I say anything to her? We are still civil, she dropped by speghetti sauce last night because she still does not have a fridge in her house. I sent her home with extra linens for the kids beds when they are over, although that will be 1 night this month. OM is in town next weekend, which was to be her weekend. I feel like just staying dark until I know what my options are and have decided what way I want to go. Exposing the kids to the OM is the real deal breaker for me. Anyone who is willing to have sex with and get engaged to a married woman can't be a good influence, and yes that goes for my wife as well.

[theoden]

8,

Think things through. Don't discuss it yet with her until you've discussed it with your lawyer.

I think it's possible to prevent them from being with OM without an all out war with your wife. Talk to your lawyer about that.

The fact that you get them most of the time is good. She's essentially walking away from them.

In my part of the country, moms get the kids even if they are having multiple affairs.

--Theoden

[81388*]

Had meeting with lawyer today, I think I lucked out, she wanted to know what I wanted her to do with time frame, drag it out in hope of repair, or get it over with quickly? I had been thinking about that all day and most of last night, my response was as long as it didn't jepordize my position, I would prefer to give it as long as possible. I told her that I did not agree with this divorce and felt uncomfortable agreeing that it was irretrievably broken. Lawyer felt that helped my case and would most likely create more leverage. She warned me that wife would most likely not be happy since it may result in a reccomendation from the court for counciling, or a 12 month separation prior to no fault divorce. Lawyer did not think full custody was a real option unless wife agreed to it, and as you have said, it could be worse. She thought it would be possible to prohibit the kids from meeting the OM, until such time that they are married. At that point it would be next to impossible to prevent it.

One irony, I am being compeled by the court to attend a class on the impact of divorce on kids and how to reduce the impact. I am the one who does understand that impact and is doing everything I can think of to decrease it.