What is there to trust? He has shown some pretty clear patterns. He is operating within the parameters of your M, the parameters that you have a hand in setting. Sure he should be of higher moral character to not cheat on you, but then again, you should be of higher moral character to not tolerate being cheated on, don’t you think? Until you draw the line, why should he stop seeing the OW? Right now he has everything he wants, his family life plus a 21 year old. What would he voluntarily stop? Morals? Values? Ethics? His are the same as yours. He indulges in affairs and you tolerate it. What sets you apart?
This is a boundary and self respect issue for you. People will walk over other people. It happens. Some are worse than others. The only way to stop this is for YOU to not tolerate it. If you stick to the theory that he is in MLC and that you only have to be patient and wait for him to come out of the “fog,” then you are implicitly approving of his behavior, IMO. You allow the cycle to continue and you stay stuck. There is no reason for him to change since he has no reason to move to a higher moral plane. He is in his comfort zone, though that may not be your comfort zone.
There is a loophole in your value system and he is taking advantage of it. I suspect that loophole has to do with your own fears of abandonment, or something related, since you are so willing to take back someone who repeatedly cheats on you. Until you close this loophole within you, you will be vulnerable to being exploited. And once you decide you don’t want to be exploited, you might decide that you are more important than him. That might mean having to confront the possibility of leaving him and living on your own. Is that what really scares you?
I believe that almost all marriages can be repaired. But it takes work on both sides. You have to do your part first.
