Thank you for your support and encouragement, guys. I do appreciate it.
Had a dramatic weekend. Saw W yesterday when she picked up D. She was ok, but seemed drawn and had lost some weight, I think. Wasn't looking great. I was a bit stand offish with her, mainly because I felt particularly undetached at seeing her for the first time in 3 weeks. She made more of an effort than me, I would say. She asked me how I was and I said 'fine thanks'. I didn't ask her how she was and so a minute or so later she said 'so how are you, then' This time I did ask her and she said 'ok' while looking at the floor.
After she'd gone my D said 'Mummy doesn't love me because she loves her boyfriend instead'. I was completely shocked at this and texted W to find out what she had said to D. I was angry and my text made that clear. She texted back 'don't be so rude' (my text wasn't rude, just angry -I do know that was wrong!) She was very defensive and said I should know her better than that. I replied, 'I don't recognise you at all any more'. I also said that she wasn't really being a parent to D but just wanted her to be a playmate for a couple of hours a week because it makes her feel better. I know this was bad DBing but it's something I've felt for weeks and I felt yesterday I needed to say it, today I can see it may have been a mistake.
I later texted to apologise for getting angry and she did text back to say she understood my anger and was sorry. I think D, who does know about her bf, had just put 2 and 2 together and had got it wrong, bless her. More reassurance needed there.
Then in the night I woke up to go to the toilet and smelt what I thought to be gas. 3 hours and an emergency evacuation later, complete with Fire Brigade, it looks like it was petrol fumes coming up from the drains- still very dangerous and inexplicable. All these things are sent to try us. The main thing is that me and D are fine.
Texted W who was very concerned and texted back and 'phoned (she never usually 'phones). I'd like to think she was worried about me as well as D but it doesn't really matter, I know. Certainly not the uneventful weekend I had planned and I feel I need to get myself back on track and detach again. I was doing really well...
