This comment she made "you don't adore me, you adore some vision of who you want me to be." is her honest opinion. She thinks you are trying to change her. AND from her comment later on, I bet she's thinking you are trying to change her to be more like the OW...she's still in a great deal of pain over that A Chrome.
NOW is the PERFECT time to get to a MC for the two of you on a more regular basis if you can swing it in ANY way.
Honestly Chrome, if your W never was someone who liked to socialize, never was a party girl...then why would you expect her to be now? This is a dynamic my folks struggle with. I mean, sure...when people meet they "date", so they are often in more social surroundings, does that mean she was comfortable in those surroundings....No, but it's part of the "dating ritual".
My Mom is a stay at home person, she doesn't like social events, isn't comfortable around a lot of people and has NEVER liked to do those things. Has she done them in the past? Of course, because it was a family event and she didn't want to be the party pooper, or because she and my dad were dating. Well, my dad IS a social butterfly who thrives on interaction with others in social events....he LOVES to go to parties, to dance, to be the center of attention. The exact opposite of my mother.
Now, I have NEVER seen a social side to my mother....I've always seen her appearing uncomfortable and awkward in those situations...my dad is oblivious to it because he is so comfortable. He also assumes that because he's comfortable everyone else is too. I remember talking with my dad one night on the phone and he was confiding in me that he found it difficult because my mom "wouldn't go have fun". It came as a surprise to him when I said to him "why do you insist she has fun YOUR way?" The things you find fun, she never has. He said something along the lines of "when we were younger we'd have block parties and she had fun" and I told him..."I never saw her have fun at those dad, she always sat at a table and maybe talked to her best friend...but she's not as social as you. She did those things because YOU wanted her to, not because she had fun at them." My dad was very resistent to hearing that too.
Now, my mom is just fine with the two of them going and doing things together....just the two of them. But my dad resists doing that. If he's not in a crowd of people and the center of attention he doesn't want to do it. It's really an interesting and sad thing to watch.
Chrome...you two aren't stuck, but this is the perfect time to get thee to a MC if there's any way possible and address this conversation. It could very well lead to something much better....don't put it off.
