Life goes on, and it ain't about Job

[osu43130]

I think I am where I need to be, THIS SUCKS!

I said the same thing brother.

I am sorry that it has come this far as well but you have done and continue to do a great job as being Super dad. Keep it up.

[81388*]

YM and O;
Thank you both. I do continue to focus on the kids and try to make this as painless as possible. They have not asked in months if this will work out or if mom will come home. S6 has come the closest when he said he missed mom. I told him I missed her too, but it was going to be this way and he would just have to have fun with mom on the weekends he saw her. He has said this only one time in the 2 months she has been moved out.

That brings up my next question, if this is truley who my wife has decided to become, and the POS that she wants to build a life with, I am leaning towards looking at full custody and trying to insulate the kids from their behavior as much as possible. I can't see willingly exposing them to this BS, but short of full custody, I don't think I could prevent it. I guess I will wait and see what exactly she is asking for and then look at my options. I am not sure what it would take to achieve this, but I think a history of adultry, abandonment of your family, and getting engaged while you are still married would be a start. Then again, given the state of divorce law, maybe not.

[osu43130]

Just make sure you have everything documented.

[81388*]

Thanks O, I am working on it.

[osu43130]

That is one of the first things he will ask for. You might even just be able to print off the BB pages for documentation. If you can find them all.

[theoden]

8,

I've already told you this...talk to a lawyer. Don't "look into it". Get real answers. These are your kids we are talking about.

If this is who your wife has become, and she ain't coming back, then I think full custody is what you should aim for. Talk to a lawyer. Do you want her to waltz back into their lives with her new POS OM husband?


Questions to ask:

1. Does it make a difference who files for divorce first?

2. Does grounds for divorce (like adultery) make a difference in custody? In my state is doesn't.

3. Can you ensure that they never have to see the OM? In some states you can insulate them from the affair.

4. What grounds do you need to provide to get full custody.

Remember, if you aim for full custody and go for a trial, you must have decided you want a divorce.

[81388*]

Theo;
Already have a lawyer, picked up the paper work, have an appointment on Monday. Don't have any answers yet.

She wants joint physical and legal custody with the primary res. being here with me. She wants to have them every other weekend, 2 weeks per month over summer, half of spring break, even and odd years holidays. Basically she wants me to do all the hard work and she can just have fun. She is offering $150.00 a month in child support, requesting spousal maintenance, and that I pay her legal fees. THIS IS SUCH B@llSH!T. All of that in addition to half of everything for being a chickensh!t quitter who is walking away from her family and her children.

I think I am done. Now I am pissed. She is engaged to someone else and is requesting spousal support? She is offering less then 10% of her income in child support? Her legal fees? WTF?

Here is my idea of a plan. I get full legal and physical custody, she can visit when she wants, but must give visitation schedule 30 days in advance and must visit children without POS. She can see them here any holiday she so chooses, as long as they are here and her b*ttfaced OM isn't. She can pay $350.00 (less than 1/2 of one paycheck) a month in child support until she is married, then we can base it on their household income, not just her's. Child support should continue until the kids graduate from college. She should pay me support for lost income, and to compensate for additional duties I now perform. That support should continue until I remarry. She should pay all of the legal fees associated with her divorce.

I do not initiate contact with W, when she calls about something, I am pleasant, but very short. Answers are very few words, followed by long pauses at which point I say "is that all you needed?, OK good by." I have documented her current affair, or at least the two of them conducting themselves as husband and wife prior to her moving out, I have evidence of an addmition from at least one other person confirming an additional affair, and I am working on proof of a third. I think I need to sick the big dogs on OM, scrape under all the rocks, and see what they come up with.

The sad part is that if my wife asked to sit down and talk about things, I would say I am not sure they can be fixed, but I would be willing to have that discussion. I just don't see being able to trust her again. When the lawyer asked what my priorities were, I said insulate my kids from this insanity, protect all of us financially, and if possible save my marriage. Very different order then 6 months ago.

[osu43130]

8,
Calm down brother.

Was what sh proposed in legal form or was it just her spewing venom?

[81388*]

O;
That was in legal form, it is on the paperwork she had filed. I have calmed down, it was just seeing it in writing that set me off.

I have come to the conclusion that I do still love this woman, I just don't really like her all that much right now.

I have an appt. with lawyer to review my options, but as I see it they are
1)Disaggree that the marriage is irretrievably broken and make a request for counciling. (This could trigger a 12 month forced physical separation)
2)Aggree, but attempt to modify the settlement.
3)Aggree, and accept the settlement.
4)Aggree, and file my own petition with cause of adultery.(Not sure yet if that helps me in terms of a settlement)

I am just going crazy trying to think of any way to not have my kids deal with POS.

[osu43130]

Well I would not accept her terms.

My STBX was expecting some outragous things in her initial response and I told her to F-off.

I had my L write up a response to her and she ended up accepting it. All she is doing right now is trying to see how much you will give. DO NOT sit there and take it. Stand your ground and protect your assests. Mostly your kids.

It will most likly go back and forth for a while until you both give in a little and come to an agreement. If you guys can not come to one be prepared for the money it will cost you to go throgh a long drawn out custody hearing. My L told me that depedning on the fight it could cost upwards of 12 grand.

Do not worry about anything but protecting yourself and the kids right now.


I know how you feel with the anger of actually seeing it written down. When I got the letter from the CS agency telling me when our hearing was I flipped and went through the roof. It is all just reality of the sitch setting in right now.

Not meaning that it is over but the reality of things at least ending for awhile and the disbeelief that it is actually going this far.

If you need anything just let me know. I am hear to lend an ear or a few fingers in this case....