Here is a post from Concerned_Listener at the end of my last thread. I know I need to concentrate on changes I need to make, but wondering if there is any benefit to examining these questions now.
"Sorry to hear about the news. It's not a suprise, given what you've been describing about him. It didn't sound like he was invested in working on the M.
He sounds like a person in a MLC, who hasn't figured-out what he needs to pursue to make him happy. Does he seem happy to you? If he has an idea of what he needs to pursue, can you support this?
You've said that he revealed the EA to you and what happened. This is good. Was there remorse?
Were there conversations regarding what was learned from the EA, so that he could chart a path for personal growth, that you could support? Were there changes in each person following the affair, indicating each person was striving for growth, followed by changes in relating to each other in ways that supported each individual? I'm trying to understand what's going on here, what is still unresolved, and what positives you have to work with.
This is a sign that changes still need to occur for both parties. He needs to invest in the M, rather than blaming it for his unhappiness. He needs to pursue activities in life that will truly make him happy. You need to increase your independence, self-confidence, and sense of personal power so that you can weather your marital storms, and his MLC. You don't want to put your entire life on hold while he is distant from the M. The goal is to have two happy, self-confident, powerful people, who share their strengths.
CL "
H surprised us last night by stopping over. He came to the house to do laundry. He fell asleep in front of the tv so stayed the night.(and he is still in the chair in front of the tv). I tried to just smile and not ask too many questions. It's a bit awkward again! I was thinking of asking him if he wants to stay for a home cooked meal tonight. He can have the house to himself during the day since D16 will be at school and I will be at work. D16 has a function at 7pm so it seems like it would be an easy exit. I would think the boat would be feelig pretty small to him at this point.
