Sorry I haven't been around much on the Board. I've been on a fantastic short break to Melbourne. I went to a girlfriends engagement party (I'm still way too cynical to be too excited for her)and an associated reunion with heaps of old friends. Very good for the soul.
Tam I think you seem heaps calmer and appear to be way more rational in your acceptance/or not of what's going on in your marriage.
I kind of perceive though that some of your behaviour is really high risk and doesn't reflect well on your capacity to look after yourself.
Obviously you know about the risks associated with STDs, and how ridiculously easily and unluckily they can be transmitted - and yet you have unprotected sex? That's really dangerous when you know your sex partner has multiple partners.
Why on earth would you put yourself at that level of risk? What if the next STD you contract isn't so easy to manage? What if it is life threatening? I'm not trying to scare monger, but for the sake of using a condom you would risk your own health? It doesn't make sense.
My foster daughter was doing an assignment the other day on taxes on contraception (she's in 1st yr uni) and she was commenting how highly condoms were taxed and saying she thought they should be tax free - I made the comment to her, whatever they cost as long as they are less expensive than board, lodging and a private school education for an unplanned child they are a bargain in my book - same goes for STDs.
Part of healing yourself is leaning to care for yourself. Caring for yourself means protecting not only your emotional health, but also your phyisical health. Know what I mean?
Part of your H understanding that you are too important to let go out of his life, is demonstrating roundly to him how much you value yourself - and if that means insisting you use a condom while he has another lover - than so be it.
Most woman wouldn't even have sex with him while he had another lover - he's got it good with you, so at least make him earn that. Yeah?
Please look after yourself. I do think you sound better. It was very good work not looking for reassurances etc after that night. I know how tough it is, but you are getting much, much better.
Well done.
V
Never make someone a priority, who makes you an option.
