Need another opinion, is my W OM, friend or more?

[andyv]

Update this morning,

My BIL spoke to me last night regarding the OM at the party. Apparently he is nothing like I imagined. He is shorter than me, fairly puny and not very good looking (being a kick boxing coach I always thought the complete opposite).

My BIL told me that when W and he did speak, there was no connection. He told me that OM was a really nice guy and very sofly spoken, but could not see the two of them together.

This was Sat night. On Sun night, W made me a really nice dinner (I did all the cooking in our relationship) and had her girlfriend over. We had the best night since the bomb, and laughed and joked for the first time in months.

After dinner, W and friend went to local car wash to clean our family car (due to sand from DD when I took her to the beach).

When she got home, we spoke in her room whilst she was lying on the bed and I lay next to her (around 9:30 pm. I re-inforced everthing I have read in DM and told her that all I ever wanted was for her to be happy, and if this means a divorce and possibly a new life with another, than I would respect that and would still love to be friends with her as I still love being around her.

As I got up to walk out of the room, she initiated another conversation, where I had to lay on the bed again. She told me that I still have to mind what I say (regarding the hurtful things). One of them being a few weeks ago (after learning of her feelings for OM), when I said "In my heart I knew you would stray". She told me that hurt her and she cant forget those words, as she has never done anything wrong, either in our marraige or separation.

She told me she did have feelings for OM, but that was all. She did not love him, but cared for him as a close friend.

She also asked about my movements over the last few months, whether I had found someone, or if anyone had pursued me.

I told her the truth (yes I am an idiot), and told her that It would not be fair on the other person, as my feelings a still wrapped up in her, and I don't see myself starting a relationship with anyone long after our divorce.

Her mood changed and as I got up to leave the room, she started another conversation, and her voice was a little happier.

By the end of all the chit chat, we had been talking for over an hour. And as I left the room and said good night, she nearly slipped the first "I love you" in several months, which she stopped mid sentence as I closed the door.

I felt the happiest I have felt in a long time. I thought "I can finally get a good nights sleep". Boy, was I wrong. The insomnia from worry over the last several months was nothing compared to the excitement I had about the baby steps I had acheived. I must have gotten about 2 hours.

Time to continue DRing and leave her some space to take in what happened.