Today I plan on measuring the width and depth of all the pillows in our house to see which will cover HER face most thoroughly. That should provide the much needed little smile.
About once every 4-6 weeks spouse comes up with some "I don't know what I want blah blah" speech. I am due for one. Wonder if I'll get it.
So whadda ya think? I thought after the party I might pull out the info DD shared with me about the kids "playdate" just so spouse knows I KNOW and didn't blow my top. I intend to make clear that I am disappointed that she would not only wait until the last moment but also creat a situation where I now have reason not to "trust" her and what she says about the kids. Am I doing this for my own amusement or??? Is there a point to it? I guess I can pull out that old "will this make me more attractive or less?" and "will this get me closer to my goal?" I realize there are far worse things that could happen but jeeze...why should she have all the power? F-it! Gotta birthday party to throw! Wahoooooo!!! For a beautiful little girl.
I have a shovel and I'm not afraid to use it. Stubby
As far as the info about the playdate, I would just let that go to the recycle bin and forget about it. You have proven over and over that you are above that w/ her. Don't give her the satisfaction that you've thought about it for that long, even if you haven't. Does that make any sense, 'cause it doesn't to me.
Anyway, just keep detaching and focusing on you. Live YOUR life. Laugh often. Smile inside and out. Enjoy yourself!!! HAve a fabulous time at the bday party!!!
well obviously spouse can't find me to tell me she is leaving as she just drove away without a word to me. Chicken$hit
So, then she calls to say "I know you don't like that I leave w/o telling you...I think it only hurts you but I'm trying to respect your wishes". I said "that's because this is impossible" and I could tell she found this rather shocking as she asked "this is impossible?" So I said, "yes, this situation is impossible" She said some other thing and then after a gap I asked "is there anything else you want to tell me?" "not right now" "Will you be home?" "in the morning" me: Goodbye.
Honestly this woman is insane.
I have a shovel and I'm not afraid to use it. Stubby
Ya know, ya think you're used to something and then boom it rips your heart out again. OW was away for the weekend so things were "normal". Spouse just came by and said "I'll be home in the morning".
And you think: "detach, heart ripping out, what the f is wrong with you?" and then ya just feel it all over. The slap in the face. The quiet disappointment that is numbing and horribly painful at the same time.
God I hate this.
I have a shovel and I'm not afraid to use it. Stubby
keep your chin up. You matter. You're doing great. Give that little girl a big hug and kiss and remember that things will get right in the world for you. You deserve that. ((((stubborn))))
Thanks chicka! I do love the littel one. My heart breaks for her. But if I'm insane she's no better off is she?
Tried to call my friend today. She had quite the meltdown on the phone with me yesterday. Bawling her eyes out. I forgot how much energy it takes to reach out. I am tired and sad and spouse is just marching on with her life...where is our tax return, I want a new fridge, let's make vacation reservations etc etc...jeeze...
I had a life once. I'd better do something to get another one soon. not much PMA around here for me lately. Being incredibly strong doesn't make one incredibly happy. Does it? Didn't think so.
I have a shovel and I'm not afraid to use it. Stubby
Ahhh yes... seems to me that you have forgotten all about GALing, stubborn. You need to whip that train right back around and get on it. You need to get that PMA going, girl. Get out there and GAL! Everyone will benefit from that.
Vacation reservations... are you kidding me?? sh!t.
Hope your friend is doing ok. Keep plugging on. Can't wait to start hearing some stories of stubborn getting her groove on. You deserve that. Can I say that again??? You deserve that!!!
Short version: We are not compatible. She went looking for gentleness, I ask how gentle can I be with this wall between us? Why would she lower the wall? She doesn't trust me because I won't give her DD 50/50 because I don't "have" to. I say "I know you don't like it but that's the way it is" and this too is "see, that's why I can't be with you"...WTF? I point out we made an agreement and she broke the agreement by having an affair, she becomes defensive and says "how about all the bad things you did" and other sarcastic things like "forgive me for finding some love" etc. Great, try a new path...do I need to put DD on my insurance? Not unless you want to - translation :"I'm not leaving until I get my way"
Rehash my bad behavior from the past: Being around me was being "awash in negativity". Shorter version: I do/did everything wrong OW does everything right. She's known OW a long time, they go back years and have a history. Met OW in March me in Dec (such a long time wouldn't you say?) I found a way to point out that OW got together with someone else during a time she and spouse were both single and DIDN'T pick spouse. (She knows this and resents it by the way so I thought I'd poke it - so much for que sera sera) Also worked in the she and OW hadn't much of a relationship outside of the last year. They never socialized during the time we were together. VERY RARELY and she saw NOTHING of her for about 4 years at a time. OW was in another zip code, not some other world...could have found each other if they'd been looking.
I point out that all my bad behavior is in the past. She has no real answer to this. I asked if I was really such a "bad angry etc" person would we really be having the conversation a year after I find out she's sleeping around? She has some reflective answer akin to "I know you are but what am I?" I laughed once which is the big sin. Can't remember what it was about now but that always frosts her. It wasn't a real laugh, it's a snort that just flies out at some incongruous thing she spews. Alien speak.
I also marched out: you get YOUR freedom but you don't get everybody elses freedom too. These are your choices and they apply to you. You don't get to make choices for everybody else.
And: You seem to want me to have all the responsibility. Why do you want to leave your fate in my hands? To which the reply was "not any more, for a while I wanted anybody else to have the responsibility, but not any more"...don't know what that means but I'm not buying it.
I held it together pretty well but finally got up and walked outside to melt down. She came to the door and said, rather snottily, "I guess we're done?!". I answered "I'm taking a break". I sat outside crying for 20-30 min and she kept scampering by (the working refrigerator is in the garage and she was putting stuff away) When not outside she was banging pots in the kitchen. On her 3rd trip to the garage I went inside, took sleeping pill and other meds, got shoes and started out the front door. She stops me and says "Shall I lock up?" WTF does that mean? I say no, go for a walk, cry, walk some more, finally go home and go to bed w/o a word.
And what does any of this mean? Diddly! Who knows. I said some things I had to say and she heard the words. Seeds were planted and enough BS flew that they might grow. ()*&!!!
I have a shovel and I'm not afraid to use it. Stubby
