Thanks for sharing more details about your story with us. I have a few questions.
When you just let your son be and deal with his stuff on his own, I'm assuming he's over 18, how does that work? It might be that in trying to take on his pain and his troubles, you're exhausting yourself and not letting your son take FULL RESPONSIBILITY for his actions. JG's ex and son's mother sounds similar to this girl your son is dating. JG finally learnt on HIS OWN that she was toxic for him. That's in part why it's taking him so long to recover from the hurt and pain that I caused him. It's like recovering from a double-accident for him, twice the injuries, so it's twice the recovery time almost.
You're handling a lot right now. But know and understand that your children's lives are their own right now. I know it's painful as I know how my own mother hurts when my sister and I are in any sort of pain. But, she cannot take on my pain, I've had to deal with the losses and grief in my own life...ON MY OWN. My mother's love is there when I need it, but she cannot take on my pain. When she's tried to do this, it only increases my own pain for causing her pain and it makes me feel disempowered. I guess I'm talking to you from the perspective of your children. My own sister attempted suicide once too, but just because she did once does not mean she will do it again.
Be there for your daughter, but practice loving detachment. It's even harder to do it with children, but your daughter has to deal with her father-loss-acceptance issues on her own. My own father died when I was 4 and it took me a loooong time (just recently) to fully accept this loss. Your daughter has to learn all this on her own unfortunately.
While our childhoods can be a large factor in who we turn out as adults, it is ultimately up to us to take charge and make our lives into whatever we want it to be. Your children have to do the same. They will not be able to live in the shadow of their parent's misjudgements forever. So the more you are able to "let go" of them, the more they will feel empowered to stand on their own 2 feet. You know all this already, I know you do. Just a reminder sweetheart.
You're a remarkable woman!
With your WAS, space and patience. And yes, anticipate the "lows", the "down in the pits of hell" feeling after the "highs" of hanging out with him. The "low" does throw you for a loop, but hang in there and maybe start planning your future "just for you" for now. Self-care is your number task and assignment for now! SELF-CARE!
love and light... rainbowlove ------------------------ All is here and so much more is coming!
