Remember that although it takes two to tango (or not tango) you can only take responsibility for your half of the dance. I don't know the details of your situation but let's say you had issues with work stress and ED that were inhibiting your sexuality. You would be far better off saying to your W "Since our separation it has become clear to me that I do value sexuality. Therefore, I am taking actions a,b and c to deal with my work stress and I am taking actions d,e and f to deal with my ED.". This is what I mean about taking actions that would be rational if you were considering the prospect of dating or being sexual with any woman, not just your wife.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
I'd like to say that it was good, but I'm really not sure. We talked for about an hour. (I can beat a dead horse, so I tried to keep it short.) I think that she may want to give it another try. She said that "she would be taking a big chance" if we did.
I did tell her that I'd been to the doctor and that he would write me a perscription for testosterone. Mine is on the low end of the scale. My emotions have been so crazy, that for the time being I'm not going to take it. Besides, it would probably "frustrate" me more if my testosterone levels went up!
I told her I didn't expect her to answer me right then and to think about it.
She's staying in "our" house now after first moving out. I'm staying at my parent's while they are out of town.
When I went upstairs to get something, before I left, it didn't appear that she was packing. Also, during our talk she didn't say anything about renting another house again.
Also, she hasn't seen an attorney.
I think these are all good signs, however, I still have to be careful not to get to confident and hopeful.
We can always get a divorce. We know what the outcome will be if we divorce, however, we'll never know what could have happened if we had stayed together.
I took the afternoon off yesterday. Didn't work, didn't read & post to forums. Just watched some TV and slept. I really feel much better today. I went to church this morning and now I'm going to do some work to try to get caught up.
Maybe you ought to take the testosterone. I'm not anything resembling a doctor but I have heard that it is a "good" drug. Makes you feel more pro-active and energetic.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
That may be a good idea -- more energy and more pro-active would be nice. But, I was worried that it might make me too "sexually frustrated".
My doctor said that 300 to 1000 was normal. Mine is 346. So, it's in the normal range, however, it is still on the low side. With the issues I've been having, he thought it might help. Also, I've read that 500 to 1000 was normal, so mine would be abnormal.
I still might get it... I really didn't think about the increase in energy.
I've also read that testosterone levels can fluctuate. So even if it measures low normal one time it can actually fluctuate wildly within like 15 min or half an hour. So maybe your average levels are lower than you think. I agree with Mojo - give it a try.
I would have to agree with the others. There is more reason to take the testosterone than just for sex. It is like a woman that doesn't have enough estrogen or progesterone, it can cause other health issues. You need it, from the sounds of things and I would get the prescription filled
Low testosterone is also linked to high fat mass and type 2 diabetes. Studies have found that men with type 2 diabetes (that is the type that comes on later in life and is due primarily with the slower pancreas and/or over weight people that have a sendentary lifestyle - it is usually controlled with pills (that stimulate the pancreas) and a better diet)
Low testosterone can also cause fatigue and depression - so as you can see there are a number of reasons to be taking it other than just to boost your sex drive
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
I agree testosterone can have other benifits too. I'm calling the doctor.
I'm still running our "talk" through my head. She was very careful with her words. At times I really thought that she was going to say that it does matter and she is going as planned. At others it seemed better. Once I almost thought that she was going to say, let's move back in together. At least we are able to talk better.
She said at one point, "I really appreciate what you have done" then she paused like she was going to say "but...". When she said that she "appreciated what I had done" it really wasn't with a positive / excited tone.
I know that she has been looking at a house to rent, but she hasn't said that she's renting it. But, I know she had an appointment on Saturday before we talked which she didn't say anything about. She's been telling me all of what's going on at work & outside of work with a fair amount of detail. I'm not pushing for details -- not asking who she's with or what they're doing. It's killing me, but I know better than to ask.
Hopefully I'm reading too much into this. Someone on these forums once told me not to believe what she said and only half of what she does. (or something like that.) So, going on actions alone -- she hasn't seen an attorney and filed, and doesn't appear to be packing.
I know her tone probably wasn't what you were looking for, BUT don't look for excitement from her right now, you aren't likely to see that from her. She's NOT going to trust you right now...it's really that plain and simple. This is just FYI for your benefit, but as a HD spouse...when our LD's have hurt us for so long, rejected us for so long, or told us that they would fix things for so long...we simply aren't going to take what they say to us and pin hopes to it. She's been let down too often, so she's not going to get her hopes up...make sense?
Now, concentrate on the fact that
#1 She wasn't packing #2 It doesn't look like she's going anywhere #3 She hasn't filed for D #4 She said she appreciated your efforts (even if it wasn't said enthusiastically) #5 As I recall she agreed to read SSM
Now, your going to have to let your actions, not your words speak for you. You are going to have to follow-through with your Dr's. Appt's and medications, whatever therapy you told her you would go to etc. Because that's what we as hurting HD partners need...we need to see actions, not just hear the words. I cannot tell you how many times my H told me "he would fix things", but NEVER did anything about it. It got to the point where when whe would say that, in my mind I thought "yeah, heard that before." Until I saw real changes in my H's behaviors I didn't take anything he said at face-value. She is going to have to see tangible changes from you...just keep that in mind.
