Thanks for your constructive and compassionate postings. They gave me a lot to think about.
Yes, seen from the outside D is the only logical answer if no improvement in our marriage occurs. Maybe my telling her it is over will provide the necessary motivation - the last chance. The only question is when to file, and I think this has to feel right, be a decision calmly taken (not in anger, like for xample last night, when I walked in on W text messaging to presumably OM, whereupon she turns the phone face down) and fit the constraints of the external world.
I still think the best is to go to Boston together (so my parents can see us together one last time, something they have wanted for a while), pass most of a summer nicely together (including W's birthday, late July), then let her know I have filed in early August, before the school year starts again so we have the fall to prepare. It would be nice to have clarity for my 50th birthday in December (when I will probably move back to Boston, btw, to my parents for at least a little while, to a well-paying job with my dad, and a city with lots of single women. W will presumably stay in Sweden).
Here is a dispassionate email I think I might send her when the time is right:
-,
Notice of divorce initiation
Final effective date: Dec 16, 2007 (or so)
Reasons:
o abandonment, emotional and physical, for over three years o adultery, persisting despite a request for it to stop o refusal to go to counseling and work on our marriage
Consequences:
o final separation o financial independence o sale of house o division of goods
Luke
Is that empty enough of feelings?
Just came home from running 23 miles, met no welcome or sympathy, but wth, WAW are often self-centered and I am tough enough to deal with it.
What a waste D is - what a loss of happiness, yes, even if only partial - what devastation and pain and lousy memories to give your kids -
From a gray Swedish Sunday -
Luke
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
