Okay, everyone, 2x4 time for me. Hit me with your best shot.
I was so determined to not contact him. I even reread Dobson's "Love Must be Tough" again and was thinking that's what I need to do. I was going to do it for myself, not just him! I had resolved to be distant, and here I go again! I am so weak!
YoYo, I don't think a 2X4 is needed here. You are trying to refrain from pursuing, but keep slipping-up. I commend you for trying. You're probably doing better than you're giving yourself credit for. Are you able to go an increasingly longer period of time without calling him?
I have some ideas about what you need to do differently, to help you with your efforts at detachment. You need to participate in activities that are going to help you be stronger. You are being active with your family, and that is a source of strength and a treasure in your life, and should continue to be cultivated.
What's missing is you doing activities independently. GAL means not being busy with the activities you've always done, but branching-out and cultivating new connections and interests, or rekindling old ones. This is your opportunity for personal growth, and to awaken aspects of yourself that have been dormant.
A turning point in moving me from "pain to power," was when I attended a writer's group about two months ago. I now attend the group bi-weekly, and write daily. This is a hobby and interest of mine that needed a greater commitment from me, rather than occassional dabbling.
It has added a missing piece to a puzzle. I needed a hobby that was simply mine, and honored my skills and interests. I feel like my life is in better balance, and more vital. I need to keep this hobby even if the M improves.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
