Hi Sam,
In those R you describe, both parties had made choices that led them down the road they have taken. While you don't have control over the spouse's choices to perhaps to follow that path, you certainly have control over your choice on whether you can accept living with the choices your spouse makes or not. You should read up on Zebra's threads over the past year, as they go into this subject in quite some depth with positive results.

'til later,
KAW