Quote: Being separated, I envy those who have managed to keep themselves and their spouses under one roof. However, as in sitches like yours, I can see the problems it creates also.
Robbie, First of all, I very much appreciate the time and thought that went into your post. Regarding the above quote, frankly, there are times (many, in fact) when I wished that we were physically separated, so that (a) I could more easily detach myself from the craziness that I witness, and (b) she could take up with OM full time, get the damned R out of her system and have him dump her (as he surely would, based on his history), thereby at least bringing some sort of resolution to that part of her MLC. With her living physically apart from OM, she can fantasize about him, glorify, idealize and magnify his good points, contrast them with my "obvious failings", and in such a contest, with me underfoot, I'm bound to finish second best.
On the other hand, as others on ths bb have pointed out, as long as she's still living here, this is a choice which she made, and both of us can take baby steps towards mending our R, whether conscious or unconsciously.
You say that if it's working, stick with it. I must honestly admit that, from a wide-angle view, yes, it does seem to be working. For example, after the absolute frigid atmosphere she's created the last few days, this evening she asked me to make us a drink so that we can sit together and tell each other about our day. Go figure! I've stopped trying to make sense of this stuff a long time ago. When I say that I'm calm and un-agitated in the face of this erratic behavior, I truly mean it; I hope this aspect of my DB'ing doesn't change. Thanks again. Sam
