Maybe it is time to re-think your situation and strategy. Perhaps moving in a different direction is exactly what you need to do. If you look back on your past year and seen nothing but "cheeseless tunnels", it may be time to do a 180.
I have been separated for over a year, and we were at a complete stalemate until I gave W an ultimatum about the OM. If your W has been lying about the A, maybe it's time to face it and deal with it head on. Have you read "Love Must Be Tough" by Dr. James Dobson? That book completely changed my outlook on my W's affair. He says that the thing that is missing from a marriage when your wife (or husband) is having an affair is respect, and that is what you must re-gain from her if the marriage has any chance to survive. She must respect you. An affair, whether EA or PA, and lying about it, especially in counseling, shows a total lack of respect for you and the marriage.
I am not advising you to make any drastic decisions or make any changes in your sitch. This is just food for thought.
