Still Pushing That @#$%ed Rock!

[MoonDog]

I know, I know. They are off today, but I expected that.

This morning was another surprise though, consensual relations! Not great, but a great stress-reliever nonetheless. Haven't seen her since then, but hey, what the heck.

There seems to be an improvement in her attitude since our talk yesterday. She came home earlier than I expected last night and wasn't smashed for once. I don't know, maybe it's the fear of being tossed out on her butt while she is still unprepared.

I am realistic here. She is very likely planning her departure. I have developed the attitude that while she is still here, at least the conflict can be put aside. Let her do what she wants to do, and enjoy any fringe benefits in the interim. My attachment to her is slowly waning away anyhow.

For all I know, she might feel like she was violated or used after this morning. She did get up to do something and came back to bed after I came onto her though. She had the choice and came back to me.

I wish I had the magic spark to rekindle things, but she talks like the damage she feels is pretty well set in stone. I feel sorry for her at times. She is chasing after a happiness that only she can obtain. She is looking to me to provide it, but it is hers to find, so I can't.

I can only make myself happy at this point. One day at a time.