Quote: you said something interesting in your post that W. "couldn't trust your reaction" and therefore didn't tell you something. That's a nice direct statement -- have you mulled over what exactly she might mean by that...
As a result of that statement/question posed by you, I took a chance and told her if she were willing to tell me the "unspeakable", that I would not react in any way. So, she did.
She told me that while she cares for me just as she would any other human being, she feels no love for me; that she has no interest in sharing inner thoughts with me because she doesn't consider me a friend; that she doesn't consider us a couple; that she has talents and abilities that she feels that she must express, and that she can't do this within the confines of a marriage; that I was never really a father in the complete sense to our two teen age dtrs; that she has no desire for intimacy in any degree with me (and that I am free to seek it elsewhere); that she married me for the security and stability that I offered to her (she's 20 years younger than I, tho that's never been a problem); that there's no longer any point in our staying together -- there's so much that she said that's swirling around in my mind, that I can't think of any others. But, what she said is so similar to the countless "bomb-dropping" speeches I've read in this forum, so you can fill in the blanks.
My reaction: I simply validated her feelings, didn't try to argue, contradict, or plead a positive case. I did say that while I'll accept my share of the responsibility for fracturing our M, I will not accept responsibility for breaking up our family, as that's not what I want. And so, the session ended peacefully.
I'm not upset, agitated or anxious and I credit DB'ing and reading through this forum for that sense of calm. I know what I want; perhaps I won't be able to have it. She's not sure what (or whom) she wants, so she'll have to work that out for herself.
So, you see what you started by asking that question?
