Thanks, HS. You are being so strong. Congratulations on all of your successes. It sounds like you are really doing a great job of knowing what you need to do to make some positive changes both in yourself and in your M.

I've already been through some of the things you've described, as H came home for one week in February, and then we were gone for about 9 days on a trip together. But he left again a few days after we got back home. I remember it almost being harder for him to be home than it was for him to be away... I felt anxious all the time, worried about where he was and what he was doing, concerned and angry because he didn't want to talk about us or OW, etc. I know there is a lot, if not more, work to do once the reconciliation begins. I learned a lot the last time and hope to not make the same mistakes this time.

I didn't talk to H at all yesterday. He came home this morning for just a few minutes to get some parts for his racecar. I was home and still in bed. He came upstairs and walked down the hallway. I opened the bedroom door and said hi. He said hi and that he was home to get the parts. Then he asked me to give him a hug. \:\) I did, and then I told him that I think everything is okay as far as the outbreak. He said okay and thank you. He then went to leave and said he has some promising appointments today with owners of real estate and that he will call me later to let me know how it goes. I said okay, and then I told him that I wasn't positive about the outbreak yet but that things are looking okay so far (I didn't want him to think that I was sure just yet, since I'm not). He said thank you again, and then he left. I was so tempted to ask him about us but managed to pull myself together and let it go.

So then the anxiety pangs set in again. Just seeing him when it's kind of awkward like this is so hard. It just reinfoces the fact that it's best for me to be working from home right now and to have little contact with him.