I've already told you this...talk to a lawyer. Don't "look into it". Get real answers. These are your kids we are talking about.
If this is who your wife has become, and she ain't coming back, then I think full custody is what you should aim for. Talk to a lawyer. Do you want her to waltz back into their lives with her new POS OM husband?
Questions to ask:
1. Does it make a difference who files for divorce first?
2. Does grounds for divorce (like adultery) make a difference in custody? In my state is doesn't.
3. Can you ensure that they never have to see the OM? In some states you can insulate them from the affair.
4. What grounds do you need to provide to get full custody.
Remember, if you aim for full custody and go for a trial, you must have decided you want a divorce.
