yes, dear readers, I do still exist. Sometimes at work I actually have to work and that is hell. And the computer is in spouses "bedroom" so at home not much chance if she's home. Which she hasn't bothered to be lately. (*&$#@!!!

Just had myself a cry on the back porch. The weather is beautiful but the sitch sucks. My week:
spouse and OW went out of town for some cozy weekend icky foo. I had already invited good friends to dinner Sunday night so spouse mangaged to be home in time for that. And she managed to get home in time to criticize me for not being "ready for guests" (by HER standards) DD had a meltdown mid day as she had been to a slumber party Sat night so I made her lie down. I lay down with her and fell asleep. House was not a wreck but neither was it spotless. I had DD alone so had not gotten to grocery store yet either. (God I wish I was as perfect as some folks think they are) Spouse was snippy and weird to me while guests were there and then proceeded to zing me as soon as they left. I was so shocked that she actually had the unmitigated gall to bitch at me, given her behavior. At one point she said: "the last thing I wanted to do was come home and criticize you but" I looked at her and just said "but what, you just couldn't resist?"

Somehow we ended up sitting on the couch in some longer discussion of my many faults. I asked her why she was so intent on having a fight? Finally I just couldn't take it any more. I started to cry and said "I don't want to do this any more" so I got up, got in my car and left for a while. I don't even remember what happened after that. I came home and went to bed I think.

part of my pain comes from not being able to share with my friends because they will all think I'm crazy for not canning her ass long before now. I am ashamed of and BY her behavior. (yeah, yeah, co dependant, I know, don't tell me you never felt the same way.) BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE; GINSU KNIVES ANYONE?

Thurs evening spouse wanted to go to a special yoga class with her beloved teacher. It took all evening and spouse had asked me last week if I would be ok with her being gone. (turns out the class was all about truth, hope spouse gagged on it) So I stayed home with DD and passed on my dance lessons. How nice.

Today was a half day for DD and spouse had day off to care for her after early dismissal. Just before she left to get kid from school she sends me an email "FYI I'm picking up the boys for OW". Can you say "chicken$hit"?

I have a shovel and I'm not afraid to use it.
Stubby