Whore/Madonna Syndrome

[Heywyre]

GEL

I did some research on the "subject" and came up with some pretty good information that describes my H bang-on (no pun intended)

I thought "what the heck" and printed it off. I went downstairs to talk to him and said "remember when ...." and we talked briefly about a comment someone had made a number of years ago about all guys wanting a whore in bed for a wife. I said, "there is something called a madonna/whore complex and I think it describes you". Interestingly enough, he said "really, let me see" and he read it quickly and said "hmmm, I'm going to have to read over that more closely and give it some thought"

It was nice to hear, as opposed to "what a bunch of crap, those psychologists blah blah blah". Of course, getting him when he was in a pretty good mood helped too

I think this is definitely something I am going to bring up with the C on Monday. H goes to see him on May 7th so that's not too far away. I am really pleased that I at least have a label for "it" now - especially after a close friend of mine (being male I thought he would be able to help me with this problem) said "what a cop-out, doesn't he know what he has, etc. etc. etc." But unless you've been there, I guess no one can really comprehend the complexity and depth of the problem

It was VERY clear that it primarily stems from a male child being raised by a cold and distant mother. Therefore, that initial intimacy bond was never made with a female. From that point on, the male child seeks someone that reminds him of his mother, not because he's a pervert, but to "connect" with the intimacy that he lost/or never got from his mother. But, the down side is, when he finds the "mother" to nurture him, the thought of having sex with her repulses him, its like incest.

This is EXACTLY my H to a "T" - why? because he was adopted and that is one of the primary things the C is dealing with - his rejection right from birth, not to mention his very poor choice of relationships along the way. He NEVER had a close relationship with his adoptive mother - he said she was cold and distant. All the more reason to reject women, wouldn't you say.

H's response after reading that article was "yes, but how do you change it" and I said, "maybe we should talk to C to see if he can recommend someone if he's not qualified" and he said "we'll see" which is better than a firm "no" isn't it?