That's totally understandable. George Patton said, "Plans change upon contact". Meaning, we can have the best plan in the world until we run into something unforseen. This would probably qualify as an unforseen.
You are right to feel you need to know the truth so you can make a decision, I still think you should wait until your emotions subside a bit so you can have the discussion, if you choose, while already having made your decision, eg; if the truth is that H is seeing the OW, than I will __________, or if the truth is that nothing is going on, than what will it take for me to believe him; greater accountability, no more overnights. Whatever it might be, I think you will be better served if you are able to walk in with a set plan in your head. Rather than trying to work from the disjointed state you are in at the moment, (and will possibly be in for a day or two).
And you've asked the really big question I've been pondering all night. What will it take for me to believe him if he says he isn't seeing her. Because from these two texts I really think he is. He has been very unhelpful in trying to convince me nothing happened because he has basically said he doesn't see why he should have to convince me when he has done nothing wrong. I'm dreading bringing this up at all because he is very good at making it all about him instead ie: he'll say he's really upset that I don't trust him and that I could accuse him of such a thing rather than being bothered about convincing me otherwise.
inpain, I'm heading out to a wedding, LOL, (the irony is rich), I have to be brief. It sounds like you know the script and direction this will go if you tackle it while emotional or without a well defined plan and objective. More of the same just gets us more of the same and we know this, the key is to interrupt that destructive pattern.
Only you will know what is an acceptable answer to that question. Only you know how prepared you are to deal with the consequences, either way. I pray for your strength to be renewed and for you to receive peace now. Is there anyway for you to get out of the house, not be there when he gets home? Go do something that puts a pep in your step, really makes you happy and fully engages you? I would do that. Let his issues, (if they are real), be his, the hiding, the covert crap, all of that, let him carry that weight for now and who knows, maybe he really isn't up to anything but being a clueless kind of guy. Either way, leave it for now and go do something fun for you.
Maybe he can wonder what you are up to and where you might be tonight? Go see some good live music, take a girlfriend and go dancing. Take your mind off of this until its time to focus on where you want to go with the R.
Just noting my thoughts down so I can hopefully make sense of them
First text "just to let you know x has texted about meeting up so I said I'd need to speak to you first and I thought you might want to"
My thoughts on this are that this text came about a week after she texted me apologising for appearing rude and my H reacted by saying he felt so angry about it he felt like never speaking to her ever again. This was obviously not true as the above text doesn't sound like she thinks she's on dodgy ground does it? Also she seems to be very familiar saying she thought he would want to meet up.
Second text says " meet him he seemed OK with it all but ultimately its down to you we will talk about it on thurs x"
My thoughts on this are THERE'S A KISS ON THE END!!! also "he seemed OK with it all" makes me think that what she means is this guy is OK with going out with them even though he knows they are cheating on me. And last but not least the we will talk about it on thursday part - Thursday being the day he cancelled his shift at work and went out and stayed out all night and didn't think to tell me he was stopping out until gone 10pm.
What I think is he spent the night with her. When we had a little row about that night the next day I asked if she was at the works bar and he said no. He obviously cancelled his shift to be wth her.
Does anyone else see another scenario that could be a rational explanation because I'm obviously slightly biased by anger and pain right now.
First of all, here is my take on it. The "x" at the end might mean we will "talk about it on thurs x" - how about thurs "next" - I only say this because my H uses that quite frequently
And, as far as the texts messages go, if she works with him, is it not possible they are talking about a business meeting - their text messages don't sound all that romantic to me
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
What if instead of confronting H, you put the phone and the sim card somewhere that he will see them and know that you found them? Maybe include a note that says something like, "Would you like to talk about this?" Let him be the one to make the next move.
Hey, I just got caught up, I am inclined to go with what Heywire says; that the texts don't sound at all romantic, so perhaps they were work related. But if you feel in your heart that something is going on, or that ow is pursuing your H, and he might be just being cluless, then I would put the sim card where he could see it, like on the kitchen table, and wait for him to ask where you found it.
Maybe the look on his face will tell you more than an outright accusations would. Sorry, this is happening to you, it sucks in a major way.
Thanks for all your advice Tyler I really appreciate it as I'm feeling really lost and hurt (again!).
Hope you enjoy the wedding.
Unfortunately I can't get out the house - I'm in UK so its nearly midnight and I have a 2 year old asleep.
Thanks again
I did enjoy the wedding, thanks.
You know, some of the best "comfort" moments for me are lying with one of my kids while they fall asleep or are sleeping. Its so peaceful and for a few seconds everything seems right. Sort of a Desirada moment in real time.
The texts - there could be many, many reasons. They dont' seem particularly romantic to me either. But I FULLY understand how you'd be worried.
Tricky one this - how to get truth out of him when you're having an understandibly hard time trusting him. I'm thinking...but I can't see a way round it. Keep close to these boards right now is the only advice I can give right now.
((((IP))))
Bomb (ILYBINILWY, don't want to be married)Sept05 Seperated Sept/Oct 05 Oct 06 - H recomitted July 11 - I am now a WAW.
