I've reached my milestone!!! On Sunday H had been back home for the same amount of time as he was away! It feels great to be past that point - its like now we can start to erase that period of time because he's been back longer than he was away!
You will probably pass your black Sunday anniversary without noticing! I did. I had it in my phone calendar and thought the date was imprinted on my brain but then I only noticed we'd passed the date when I looked in my calendar for something else!!
Things still seem to be up and down but from reading other piecing posts it seems pretty normal. When I say up and down its more me feeling up and down. I still feel so insecure and seem to be monitoring every kiss and cuddle like if they are not regular enough something is wrong. Crazy eh? I truly wish I could get to a point where I just relax and know he is home forever. He is being so loving and attentive and caring right now which is helping. I think he is truly in love with me again. He has started saying it more often - it is almost like when we first started dating if it wasn't for the insecurity. He talks about the future a lot and wants to plan a holiday and we have ironed out another couple of "niggles" left over from being separated. In an odd way it seems like he is trying more than me at the moment which is in one way really great and in another way a little worrying. Worrying in the sense that I'm not sure why I've stopped trying so hard. Maybe I'm just worn out with it all subconciously and think its his turn.
He is on his night shifts this week and it feels quite sad to not be able to sleep next to him. That is one thing I really love about our new M - the way I really appreciate all the little things like waking up with him. He said the other day he looks forward to coming home from work now which made me feel really happy because he said over and over after he left that for months he had hated the thought of coming home - a fact I was completely unaware of of course.
Anyway I seem to be just rambling now and its late so I'm going to stop now and go to bed.
That really sounds very nice, and kind of peaceful for you now. It must make it easier for you to sleep at night with him telling you those things. I am happy for you that he is saying to you that he looks forward to coming home from work, now.
My H gets home at almost nine or so now due to shift change, and usually gets home on time. We will be on vacation when black Sunday rolls around. I am going to work on getting into great swimsuit shape, and start getting a little tan, and I am thinking of changing my hair colour a little, too. See, I spelled colour the way yall Brits do. I did that when I was a little kid and my teacher would get so mad at me. My H is nicer for the most part, but will occasionally say something, then when I do not respond he will try to justify whatever mean thing he has said. I will still not respond, and I wonder if that gives him pause to see that what he said was uncalled for, and needlessly cruel.
Well, I hope you have a nice morning when H gets home, and I gotta go, because my H is due home within the hour, and I have dinner to finish.
Ip - very quickly, just read your previous post, and it all sounds so familiar. Piecing is long, far longer than the DB stage in my opinion, and it has a lot of false starts and blind alleys. Sorry if I'm not making much sense - knackered out by 7 hours in the gym this week!!!
Bomb (ILYBINILWY, don't want to be married)Sept05 Seperated Sept/Oct 05 Oct 06 - H recomitted July 11 - I am now a WAW.
OK those of you familiar with my sitch will recall that a couple of weeks ago I was really upset because H went out for the night and then at about 10pm while out he told me he was stopping out for the night. I was really upset and felt suspicious of it and we had a bit of an argument the next day but sorted it out.
H is at work tonight. He has been gone 3 hours and I went to the bathroom and as I came out I noticed a sim card for a mobile phone on the floor in the doorway. I know you'll all say this is very wrong and it probably is but....I put it in my phone. Yes I snooped. Basically H had a pay as you go phone until about 3 weeks ago when he got a contract one. Anyway the sim card turns out to be for the pay as you go phone. There are two texts from the W from work who I have been umming and aahing as to whether he had/is having an affair with.
The first text says that a male colleague of theres has texted her asking if they want to meet up and that she told him she have to speak to my H first but that my H would probably want to. The second is 5 mins later obviously after my H has texted something and it says "meet him he is OK about it all but ultimately it is down to you we can talk about it on Thurs x". Now Thursday is the day my H was supposed to be at work and then told me he'd arranged to have the day off only two days before it and also just so happens to be the night he stayed out all night.
This looks like major evidence to me of foul play on my H's part. I am in floods of tears and he is going to be home in just under four hours and I want to confront him with these texts. Help what should I do??
Wow. That is a tough one. It sounds so trite to say this to you but here goes; will confronting him take you closer to or further from your goals? yet that is all I can think of at the moment.
Mainly because this is something I ask myself on a regular basis.
It does appear to be foul play, yet you don't know for sure and if you ask you run a 50/50 chance of hearing the truth versus a lie.
I hear what you're saying. Trouble is in the light of this new information I'm not sure what my goals are. For him to leave for four months and deny the whole time that anything was going on and they be home for four months and deny anthing is or ever did happen and now to find this....I don't think I want to be with him if he has lied about it because he has had more than enough opportunities to tell me.
I have been sat thinking the same thing you said - I have a 50/50 chance of hearing the truth and if he's been lying all this time maybe that lowers my odds of hearing the truth even further.
You said you don't know what your goals are, no one should go into a 'fight' without a plan. You have to know where you want to go, or what you wish to accomplish otherwise you run the risk of a circular argument that does more harm than good.
Wait until your head is clear. If he asks what is wrong, tell him your having a rough day and don't want to talk about it right now, just emotional or something. Wait until you have a plan/goal/objective.
Maybe you're right although my face needs some serious fixing up before he gets home if I'm to do that.
When I said I didn't know what my goals are I think maybe they've changed in light of this new info you see. All my goals had been met - I DB'd and got my H back and I thought everything was better than I'd ever hoped. I'm not sure if I would still want to be with him if he's lied - I feel sick at the thought because he has stayed out all night a lot in the four months he's been back. I feel I need to know the trut before I can decide what my goals are.
